tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66409854198797417432024-02-07T13:24:48.499-08:00Pastoral Counseling and Coaching: Compass Therapy in ChurchesRev. Dr. Dan Montgomery offers a fresh perspective on the fascinating world of pastoral counseling and coaching. Expand your skills for healing and helping people!Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-28319587928972470292015-12-30T00:04:00.000-08:002015-12-30T00:04:44.467-08:00The Great Value of Pastoral Counseling<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b style="color: #ffe599;">Pastoral counseling involves a helping relationship</b>
between a religiously affiliated counselor and an individual, couple,
or family who seek assistance for coping with life. Pastoral counselors
include ordained ministers and consecrated professionals licensed in the
field of counseling and therapy.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The
word “pastoral” indicates that services are provided which are
sensitive to the spiritual viewpoints and values of counselees
regardless of their faith affiliation. <b style="color: #ffe599;">A respect for the faith dimension of human experience</b>
is an important contribution of the pastoral counseling movement to the
mental health field. Pastoral counseling assumes that a counselee’s
spiritual life has value in helping to heal emotional wounds, resolve
conflicts, facilitate life transitions, and clarify values and purpose.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Pastoral counseling often takes the form of a <b style="color: #ffe599;">specialized ministry within a church</b>,
where pastors or professional counselors offer pastoral counseling
under the auspices of pastoral care. However, pastoral counseling can
also function as an <b><span style="color: #ffe599;">outreach ministry</span></b>
to a local hospital, homeless shelter, or independent counseling
center; or it may serve persons through the chaplaincy in a prison,
military base, or college campus.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM4uN9bNOOWbiAO5c60fyQEW1TqiIFDSe9Iz5XtDDq8w1O4mvo0YNT9v3kG94K759iBZyMmAhvAx8xHSjl7Kd4704VV-FUaTbAS1hJvWQ68FDMM2Tczlb7copxLuRKFy2l-MO6_yMOMr8/s1600/Pat'l+Cg+Hospital.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM4uN9bNOOWbiAO5c60fyQEW1TqiIFDSe9Iz5XtDDq8w1O4mvo0YNT9v3kG94K759iBZyMmAhvAx8xHSjl7Kd4704VV-FUaTbAS1hJvWQ68FDMM2Tczlb7copxLuRKFy2l-MO6_yMOMr8/s320/Pat'l+Cg+Hospital.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I
know of a pastor who has collaborated with the police department in his
hometown for over twenty years. Early on they so valued his
contributions that they gave him a badge with the title “Police
Chaplain.” Over the decades his phone has rung regularly for calls
involving domestic disputes.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Pastoral counselors meet <b><span style="color: #ffe599;">a wide range of human needs</span></b>.
For instance, a counselee who is grieving the loss of a loved one; a
couple who need premarital counseling or help raising step-children; an
individual addicted to substances; a person dealing with adverse work
conditions; a parent overwhelmed by young children or adolescents; a
family being torn apart by forces they don’t understand; or a person
searching for intimacy with God.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIOG4BvckLlnzJBwrQiB8EPdqM2OqtUtOLP_F2bEzUQWSzo12B6BruefPNNW7aZCvpYtwqrS0FRVRlc_6ERCt-zfzwrEVhj8Pslul6xarekKgezLl1Cs5xm8DZib0A_laadi_uWN7PHDo/s1600/Pst'lCg.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIOG4BvckLlnzJBwrQiB8EPdqM2OqtUtOLP_F2bEzUQWSzo12B6BruefPNNW7aZCvpYtwqrS0FRVRlc_6ERCt-zfzwrEVhj8Pslul6xarekKgezLl1Cs5xm8DZib0A_laadi_uWN7PHDo/s320/Pst'lCg.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">By <b><span style="color: #ffe599;">transforming broken personalities and reconciling damaged relationships</span></b>,
pastoral counseling helps persons and communities to become living
expressions of God’s redemptive love in the concreteness of daily life.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Most
pastoral counselors have academic training in addition to religious
credentials. These may include the Master of Divinity or Doctor of
Ministry degrees, with a specialty in pastoral counseling. If a pastor
has not had opportunity to study counseling in seminary, there are <b style="color: #ffe599;">excellent Internet and external degree programs in pastoral counseling</b>
offered through credible institutions that strengthen competence in
counseling. For instance, I offer an online course for 4 CE (<i>Pastoral Counseling: The Intersection of Psychology and Spirituality</i>) through the <a href="http://www.zurinstitute.com/pastoral_counseling_course.html" target="_blank">Zur Institute</a>.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">On the other hand, some pastoral counselors meet with counselees on the basis of their religious credentials alone; <b style="color: #ffe599;">Biblical counseling</b>,
for example, emphasizes helping parishioners respond to a crisis
primarily through empathetic listening, prayer, and biblical
instruction.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCBjDae-0y8QxvIWLtBf-fz4DbjNg70w2q98_DvuJjNMsQ0RcBRwfG63JdPn6OYnYaeCAHFcD9z5T97stfKnXIBDQTxCZ2rX-ng3OJLGLFPjFUo_yy37hvEiY9qE8ELlW-ex-0p_UNs5E/s1600/images.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCBjDae-0y8QxvIWLtBf-fz4DbjNg70w2q98_DvuJjNMsQ0RcBRwfG63JdPn6OYnYaeCAHFcD9z5T97stfKnXIBDQTxCZ2rX-ng3OJLGLFPjFUo_yy37hvEiY9qE8ELlW-ex-0p_UNs5E/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b style="color: #ffe599;"> </b><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b style="color: #ffe599;">Consecrated mental health workers</b>
who work in religious settings or private practice are often licensed
as psychologists, professional counselors, or marriage and family
therapists. They may work in private practice or band together to form a
church-based counseling center.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Personally, I see pastoral counseling as
hugely important to the life of the Church and the witness to the
community, embodying the truth that God ministers compassionately and
wisely to human need, and that <b style="color: #ffe599;">anything human is worthy of understanding</b>. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">As I approach seventy years of age, I realize I've carried on pastoral counseling for almost forty years. I wouldn't trade a moment of the enriching and inspiring conversations I've enjoyed with several thousand individuals and couples. Lord willing, I hope to keep these conversations going until the day I pass from this earthly life to <b><span style="color: #ffe599;">eternal life with Christ</span></b>. And then I'll talk over with him the things I learned and the prayers I shared with so many precious people. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>For 25 therapeutic techniques that can be used in pastoral counseling, read: </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Counseling-That-Really-Works/dp/1411687531/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b/104-2437830-5537531" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Christian Counseling That Really Works:</span></b></i></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Counseling-That-Really-Works/dp/1411687531/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b/104-2437830-5537531" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Compass Therapy In Action</span></b></i></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-krUkn035VVC0uJLQ9sWtRruH0bRE8PyWjkhNh8hmsmtgnQwMVDVWwz0VTkc_lZOVAIi8JG0SANfIFFfQdOeQ3pxx0S-T9kORsAiXiCGfrnfvSLlymMtcdfs1CSTR5BQmzMFy49Zmv68/s1600/COUNSELING-FRONT-SILVER.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-krUkn035VVC0uJLQ9sWtRruH0bRE8PyWjkhNh8hmsmtgnQwMVDVWwz0VTkc_lZOVAIi8JG0SANfIFFfQdOeQ3pxx0S-T9kORsAiXiCGfrnfvSLlymMtcdfs1CSTR5BQmzMFy49Zmv68/s320/COUNSELING-FRONT-SILVER.jpg" width="215" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-61970703842455748822013-04-17T14:58:00.001-07:002013-04-27T10:06:09.259-07:00What Makes A Church Successful?<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-1593833729 1073750107 16 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-1593833729 1073750107 16 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
p.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, li.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, div.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE
{mso-style-name:"COMPASS BOOK STYLE";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.25in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
p.COMPASSBOOKNOW, li.COMPASSBOOKNOW, div.COMPASSBOOKNOW
{mso-style-name:"COMPASS BOOK NOW";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.25in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
tab-stops:.5in;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style> <br />
<div class="COMPASSBOOKNOW" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Compass
personality theory suggests that <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>achievement and failure</b></span> are best seen in a <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>dynamic
rhythm</b></span>, a rhythm worth assessing by every pastoral staff and church. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Churches are tempted to measure achievement solely by attendance: if
lots of people show up for services, then the church has achieved success. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">But has it? What is success for a church? What is achievement? And what is failure? </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">How does Christ
view achievement and failure? Churches may need periodic <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>prayer and
soul-searching</b></span> for pastoral staff and congregations to discern the Lord’s
intentions for their church. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Here are some observations from the perspective of compass theory.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">In
his earthly life, Jesus reveals two overriding concerns: </span></div>
<ol style="text-align: justify;">
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;">His own faithful
witness to the Father and attunement to the Spirit.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana;">The maturing of his
disciples in terms of personality and relationships. </span></li>
</ol>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Given this emphasis, it is likely that <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>Christ</b></span>, as head of the church,
sees church <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>achievement</b></span> in terms of how well people are learning to <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>love God
and others as they love themselves</b></span>, and how they are progressing in
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>transformation of personality and relationships in Christlike ways</b></span>. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b> </b></span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>Failure
</b></span>would manifest itself as a <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>loss of fidelity to the Trinity</b></span>, and an <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>apathetic
attitude toward conversion and transformation</b></span>.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">One sees these rhythms of achievement and failure reflected in the ups
and downs of Peter, James, and John:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>joy</b></span> they felt on the Mount of
Transfiguration.</span></div>
</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiseynN2XZfhr738rILNgOUYAxhCijhpRDj34s5CmEmIRwy09ehrRAp18KKnM9RBVZAwYo6zoCgf2bzgRB9MOXM_zKusi1FcXud4RRpOr0Es5tb2_yusK37unZLI-rPOVA0A96aWskUujc/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiseynN2XZfhr738rILNgOUYAxhCijhpRDj34s5CmEmIRwy09ehrRAp18KKnM9RBVZAwYo6zoCgf2bzgRB9MOXM_zKusi1FcXud4RRpOr0Es5tb2_yusK37unZLI-rPOVA0A96aWskUujc/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mount of Transfiguration</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>shame</b></span> when they fell asleep in the Garden of Gethsemane. </span></div>
</blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsU6A5EN5TlPip8y_0GDicQ7w2P_SUnwsRu-rNe7ptxE-jTWuhpIUUHUEXWmbFrGcoZttTlGtGtQky4WqLXaQ5qW8umMeJ6B73qh6NG-Xvz4GgPn7Y-Kyq_dRRxbQII8HezWk6Mn5qKEg/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsU6A5EN5TlPip8y_0GDicQ7w2P_SUnwsRu-rNe7ptxE-jTWuhpIUUHUEXWmbFrGcoZttTlGtGtQky4WqLXaQ5qW8umMeJ6B73qh6NG-Xvz4GgPn7Y-Kyq_dRRxbQII8HezWk6Mn5qKEg/s320/images.jpg" width="285" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Garden of Gethsemane</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Church members, too, who seek to follow Jesus in their humanness, can
expect times of <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>fatigue and discouragement</b></span> in rhythm with times of <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>rejuvenation
and celebration</b></span>. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Those of us in pastoral service do well to recall Paul's words:</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time
we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Gal 6:9).</span></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">For more, read:</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/CHRISTIAN-PERSONALITY-THEORY-Compass-Humanity/dp/0557196671/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261889943&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><b><i><span style="font-family: Verdana;">CHRISTIAN PERSONALITY THEORY:</span></i></b></a></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/CHRISTIAN-PERSONALITY-THEORY-Compass-Humanity/dp/0557196671/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261889943&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><b><i><span style="font-family: Verdana;">A Self Compass for Humanity </span></i></b></a></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiP725qsKmgTziiyLGtm-mDBBgQ0KOP3X5Rgy-PExGsgpBoD5SofOBxcTgim5NdZgKpe3TzVRhtWH_Y_U54oW33TBzcHJTsK_AWt5XOW4jTS_H8SoHFtj8uom4qFU1oh8cYs7lgGlfNyQ/s1600/PERSONALITY-SILVER-300X200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiP725qsKmgTziiyLGtm-mDBBgQ0KOP3X5Rgy-PExGsgpBoD5SofOBxcTgim5NdZgKpe3TzVRhtWH_Y_U54oW33TBzcHJTsK_AWt5XOW4jTS_H8SoHFtj8uom4qFU1oh8cYs7lgGlfNyQ/s400/PERSONALITY-SILVER-300X200.jpg" width="273" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Christian Personality Theory</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-2855725288361056552013-04-06T10:31:00.003-07:002015-12-30T11:19:59.932-08:00Brief Overview of Compass Therapy: Dr. Dan Montgomery<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Arial;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 2 2 2 2 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536859905 -1073711037 9 0 511 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Arial;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 2 2 2 2 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536859905 -1073711037 9 0 511 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
p.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, li.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, div.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE
{mso-style-name:"COMPASS BOOK STYLE";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.25in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
-->
</style>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My fifteen
years of collaboration with <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Everett Shostrom</b></span>, a Stanford research psychologist
and psychotherapist who carried out pioneering work in the field of counseling,
planted the roots for <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Compass Therapy</b></span> in what we at that time called
Actualizing Therapy. Our approach combined a health model of personality with
an explanatory system of psychopathology. We suggested that <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>actualizing growth</b></span>
fosters maturity, flexibility, and purpose in life, and constitutes a reasonable
goal of therapy. Further, that therapeutic gain always involves the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>i</b><b>ntegration
of polar opposites</b></span> within the personality and an acceptance of individual
differences in relationships.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Historically,
Dr. Shostrom had produced the “Gloria” films during which <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Carl Rogers</b></span>, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Fritz
Perls</b></span>, and <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Albert Ellis</b></span> each worked in hour-long sessions with a counselee
named Gloria. These films demonstrated the usefulness of showing exactly what
happens in counseling sessions so that others can replicate beneficial
techniques. Some years later Shostrom and I produced a second film series that
featured <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Arnold Lazarus</b></span> (Multimodal Therapy), <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Carl Rogers</b></span> (Client-Centered
Therapy), and <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Everett Shostrom</b></span> (Actualizing Therapy) each working with a counselee
named Cathy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In the decades
followed I continued this eclectic theory building by developing <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Compass Therapy</b></span>,
an approach that <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>links together</b></span> the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Self Compass model of personality </b></span>with
operational definitions of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>psychopathology</b></span> found in the universal standard for
mental health professionals: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder</b></span>s</i>. The use of compass-like
diagrams made a user-friendly graphical interface that not only highlighted the
principles of Compass Therapy, but also allowed counselees to readily
understand how to participate more fully in their own transformation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvn7XTnA6q4mzNRoppy-J9xz9r2VO-7D0tO3ndCGVRJq1uYTn-9o4SpKap21PdrplJKIUTUmoK2T252mGB7pTrZBZvv8rZeT0SIn0d5eFuBbwFBheLPSmNzevn0eacBZymm92V5ZMQ-uo/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvn7XTnA6q4mzNRoppy-J9xz9r2VO-7D0tO3ndCGVRJq1uYTn-9o4SpKap21PdrplJKIUTUmoK2T252mGB7pTrZBZvv8rZeT0SIn0d5eFuBbwFBheLPSmNzevn0eacBZymm92V5ZMQ-uo/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">DSM</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Though Compass
Therapy has distinctions of its own, I was careful to construct an open-ended
conversation with other major counseling theories. This partnering philosophy
makes Compass Therapy a co-proponent of some of the most reliable therapeutic
principles found in<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b> Psychoanalysis, Jungian Therapy, Gestalt Therapy,
Transactional Analysis, Family Therapy, Existential Psychotherapy, Behavioral
Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, and Positive Psychology</b></span>. Perhaps this accounts for
why <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Raymond Corsini</b></span>, considered by many as the dean of American counseling and
psychotherapy, has described my Compass Therapy approach as a <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>“supersystem”</b></span> that represents
“the therapeutic system of the future.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What has
differentiated Compass Therapy from other theories is the idea that <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>human
nature and personality are comprised of dynamic opposites that need integration
around the core self, and that action techniques are often required to move
people forward in therapeutic progress</b></span>. Like the alternating AC/DC current that
powers an electric appliance, polar opposites in human beings create aliveness
and health. For instance, healthy individuals find rhythms between solitude and
sociability, activity and passivity, involvement and detachment, and work and
play. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It’s when the
dynamic movement between polarities breaks down and you get an extended flat
line of stasis that people become sick, depressed, or devitalized. Dynamic
movement fueled by the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>rhythmic swings of polar opposites</b></span> expresses itself in
mental health as well. Healthy individuals are spontaneous and flexible
precisely because they are alive with new possibilities and passionate about
the pursuit of creativity. If something doesn’t work, they try something else.
If they are frustrated in fulfilling a goal, they explore novel options. They
resist becoming stuck in a one-dimensional life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Psychopathology</b></span>,
however, works differently. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Rigidity replaces rhythm</b></span>. Resourcefulness succumbs
to sameness. Relationships perpetuate superficial actions and reactions. Life
grows dull. Symptoms set in. The personality and human nature become frozen in
intractable patterns that resist change and growth.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Actually, the
whole range of psychopathological alternatives to healthy living have a
strangely attractive appeal, for they seem to make life safe, to make life
predictable, and make life familiar.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmUy3NPKwI3dcv18CrvyW_vabMFAevVhbZMs6-eOW7WjOSezUgCo06HRqgCtvgZXviXFrfBK1f1bbqTeA_WPtTaWP3eVSr9l9tmLx9p59L_QJ2noqQn7URVeSkXUZtxG2e9UDr96PGbYo/s1600/NewCompassModel.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmUy3NPKwI3dcv18CrvyW_vabMFAevVhbZMs6-eOW7WjOSezUgCo06HRqgCtvgZXviXFrfBK1f1bbqTeA_WPtTaWP3eVSr9l9tmLx9p59L_QJ2noqQn7URVeSkXUZtxG2e9UDr96PGbYo/s640/NewCompassModel.jpg" width="553" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The Compass Model</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Healthy</b></span> individuals
can be loving or assertive, and weak or strong, as a situation requires. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Rigid</b></span>
individuals are stuck in chronic behavior patterns that are too loving, too
aggressive, too weak, or too strong. If healthy living lets you play the
eighty-eight keys of the piano with both hands, then psychopathology makes you
play only “Chopsticks” with two fingers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Compass Therapy's <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Self Compass</b></span> as well as the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Human Nature Compass</b></span> offer crucial dimensions for growth of personality and human nature that give a person all eight-eight
keys, and unlimited capacity for composing the creative melodies and harmonies
required for successful coping.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For more, read: <i><b> </b></i></span><br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Compass-Therapy-Christian-Psychology-Action/dp/0557022886/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261293602&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><i><b>Compass Therapy: Christian Psychology In Action </b></i></a></span></h2>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-588221988117995052013-03-22T17:43:00.000-07:002013-03-28T15:42:47.604-07:00Treatment Success For The Paranoid Personality Disorder<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Understanding the mind, heart, and spirit of the Paranoid Arguer personality disorder lies at the center of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>treatment success</b></span> for the Christian counselor. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Paul had this to say about the Paranoid Arguer pattern: <br />“When you follow your own wrong inclinations your lives will produce these evil results...hatred and fighting, jealousy and anger, constant effort to get the best for yourself, complaints and criticisms, the feeling that <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>everyone else is wrong</b></span>” (Gal 5:19-20 TLB). <br /><br />To the Paranoid Arguer, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>God is only wrathful</b></span>, quick to anger, and slow to forgive. In what is surely a self-statement, the Arguer hears God saying, “I mete out punishment to those with whom I disagree. I make a point of disparaging alternative views. I issue ultimatums to those not in my will. After all, ‘Vengeance is mine,’ says the Lord.” </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVOML-Q0y1lTeL4Xf8ercJIGnsCZ4033HgIBGvl3b7GYEE0b4QAxEQfw-8TYnppwa7nQIDh3hPlJHu3U80Rylu3eg0edYiS_zpIpzHDi_M2EHwWSF2R3VPjMy7ye0jfEPnA-Hc6bzw0ck/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVOML-Q0y1lTeL4Xf8ercJIGnsCZ4033HgIBGvl3b7GYEE0b4QAxEQfw-8TYnppwa7nQIDh3hPlJHu3U80Rylu3eg0edYiS_zpIpzHDi_M2EHwWSF2R3VPjMy7ye0jfEPnA-Hc6bzw0ck/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Paranoid Arguer</span><i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But the apostle John replies: “Whoever says, ‘I am in the light,’ while hating a brother or sister, is <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>still in the darkness</b></span>” (1 Jn 2:9). <br /><br />Arguers’ independence isolates them from social feedback, so they hear only the marbles rolling around in their own heads. Nothing else is relevant; nothing else matters. Over time their thoughts can take the form of delusions in which they are captains of fate struggling against formidable forces, a theme strengthened by <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>selectively interpreting</b></span> most stimuli to fit this internal scenario. </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Their highest ongoing priority is to <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>maintain freedom</b></span> in a world of their own making—a mentality that shares much in common with schizoid, schizotypal, and schizophrenic ideation. On the other hand, they share with the histrionic pattern ideas of reference whereby they interpret insignificant or innocuous events in ways that suit their dictates and confirm their suspicions. </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">WHY?</span></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Compass Therapy suggests this explanation for paranoid Arguers’ stubbornness and vainglorious pride: they have <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>desensitized</b></span> themselves to the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Love compass point</b></span> as a defense against caring, and to the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Weakness compass point</b></span>, where hurt, shame, and self-doubt are barred from consciousness.</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />The decommissioning of Love and Weakness reduces their interpersonal connection with humanity to a defensive vigilance against perceived threats. The short-term gain is a remarkable lack of intrapsychic conflict achieved through an aggressive reflex-arc that utilizes the mid and lower brain stem—what I call the “reptile brain”—to create a psychology of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>hate, suspicion, and retribution</b></span>. The neocortical functions are recruited to verify these assumptions by sifting for evidence to build a case that other people have ulterior motives. </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /><br />In every vocation paranoid Arguers vent their malevolence on those under their control. They train underlings to <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>walk on eggshells</b></span> to reinforce their power over others, criticizing them over nothing as a form of stimulation. And, of course, there is not the slightest remorse for dressing someone down because “if he (or she) had done the right thing, I wouldn’t have had to blow my stack.” </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNJ_UA4ExFQomHmD29bjkldSLbkf8SOT29rgaArrzFCohfNdiXclPWnDc2nMnMq5f5X5wTrU_RDXUMNVjDc-jqOOxh32CeUguTwOO1NnZouIjG-6rzszaXGUAmkFeCnhPY7P_tsXYCmVM/s1600/Paranoid+Arguer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNJ_UA4ExFQomHmD29bjkldSLbkf8SOT29rgaArrzFCohfNdiXclPWnDc2nMnMq5f5X5wTrU_RDXUMNVjDc-jqOOxh32CeUguTwOO1NnZouIjG-6rzszaXGUAmkFeCnhPY7P_tsXYCmVM/s320/Paranoid+Arguer.jpg" width="263" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Paranoid Personality Disorder</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">HEALING TREATMENT</span></b></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Understanding the above features helps the Christian counselor <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>selectively empathize </b></span>with the pain the counselee has known in life, while at the same time feeding back a certain amount of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>truth serum</b></span> about the toxic effects of the paranoid Arguer pattern. While taking care to speak in a diplomatic and non-inflammatory way, you nevertheless remain firm about how pattern recognition can serve the counselee’s self-interest better than the paranoid pattern itself. </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />You identify with their pride, yet suggest that a realistic <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>integration</b></span> <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>of both strengths and weaknesses</b></span> will increase their capability to understand motivation. You temporarily align with their grudges against others, while suggesting that this narrowed perceptual field creates a vulnerability all its own. You compliment their no-nonsense realism, while delicately pointing out that the reason they are in marital therapy (or some other difficulty) is related to a general lack of empathy and caring. </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />Over time you construct the mental <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>possibility </b></span>that the world might be a friendlier place than they assume, and that other people could find them interesting and attractive if they’d quit baring their fangs. Many paranoids are genuinely surprised to learn that there are people in the world who <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>want to like and love them</b></span>, but have never been given the chance.</span></div>
<div class="BulletList" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="BulletList" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As a Christian counselor, suggest to a
Christian counselee that they consider learning to: </span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Talk with you about painful times during
childhood or current situations that are aggravating.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Speak from the heart.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Confess their sins.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Pray for a deeper trust in God’s love.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Immediately distrust their knee-jerk
angry reactions and practice replacing these with the deliberate cultivation of
patience.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Offer quick apologies after any lapses into the
old inflammatory behavior, seeking to make peace, not war. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Experience the grace of forgiving and being
forgiven. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Give others the benefit of the doubt.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Discover the pleasure of becoming a
more caring person.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Pray to “put away…all bitterness and
wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be
kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has
forgiven you” (Eph 4:31-32).</span></li>
</ol>
</blockquote>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNQ3ufCX8LZsDEVeKboSq99R0bqvVXERlwD9GkaFPdZ9AnnTNWbJE8xWnq2CsFIFVm1FRTcRj8URzLGLh9ch7HfTiBdMA-JUO-fYNwtLYmIqsAueH86YnpWMVoj0IUuCfIoaLYxUZ-tXc/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNQ3ufCX8LZsDEVeKboSq99R0bqvVXERlwD9GkaFPdZ9AnnTNWbJE8xWnq2CsFIFVm1FRTcRj8URzLGLh9ch7HfTiBdMA-JUO-fYNwtLYmIqsAueH86YnpWMVoj0IUuCfIoaLYxUZ-tXc/s320/images-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Forgiving others as Christ has forgiven you</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For more, read: </span><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Compass-Therapy-Christian-Psychology-Action/dp/0557022886/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261293602&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">COMPASS THERAPY: Christian Psychology In Action</span></b></i></span></a> <br />
<br />Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-30319699345095875972013-03-14T10:11:00.003-07:002013-03-20T09:48:03.653-07:00What's Unique About Pastoral Counseling?<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
p.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, li.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, div.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE
{mso-style-name:"COMPASS BOOK STYLE";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.25in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style> <br />
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">By checking out this blog, I assume your interest
and involvement in pastoral counseling, whether you are a pastor, seminary
student, or full-fledged pastoral counselor with years of experience under your
belt. In any case I extend you a warm welcome, for I see us as colleagues in the
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>challenging enterprise of pastoral counseling</b></span>.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-P9zeA3V6l9DRwXJtkYvARMAPvNb1eIoHlcDKJo4LmuEO_pubjcFu0VxK1-RkAVik744qqT27CTNlyo-SPP3lHF7QeppM23vv-n_9EE5OjenK8jGKh3YZgEo8i-uEiCv2hM1f52XA8pQ/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-P9zeA3V6l9DRwXJtkYvARMAPvNb1eIoHlcDKJo4LmuEO_pubjcFu0VxK1-RkAVik744qqT27CTNlyo-SPP3lHF7QeppM23vv-n_9EE5OjenK8jGKh3YZgEo8i-uEiCv2hM1f52XA8pQ/s400/images.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Pastoral Counseling</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Why does pastoral counseling hold a place of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>high
regard</b></span> in my heart? </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Pastoral counseling extends <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the saving
work of the Holy Trinity into every new generation</b></span>, adapting itself to people’s
culture and lives in every nook of the globe. </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">This means to me that the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Father</b></span>
calls individuals into this vocation, the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Son</b></span> inspires his Word and inner
power, and the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Holy Spirit</b></span> communicates creatively with those who are brought
under their care. </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgegkXWn3oqEmBv5rSU87cv06fj2dhVoT8hhzzgDHSO6LFM2S_fhE426YNjnbp7amzhuA3P9e7vkRjnik9yXwRud7PvucwUTrhLxm6Isdsbk2VUbxtTNQBa1UGXE24k6fnOxmY5QEdkbSc/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgegkXWn3oqEmBv5rSU87cv06fj2dhVoT8hhzzgDHSO6LFM2S_fhE426YNjnbp7amzhuA3P9e7vkRjnik9yXwRud7PvucwUTrhLxm6Isdsbk2VUbxtTNQBa1UGXE24k6fnOxmY5QEdkbSc/s320/images-1.jpg" width="254" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Christian Trinity<b><br /></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Not that pastoral counseling can’t be
exasperating and exhausting at times, because it can. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Counseling other human beings is emotionally intensive,
intellectually demanding and spiritually draining, since it requires the
processing of an immense amount of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>human pain and suffering</b></span>. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">That said, something about working with the living God to care for those
who are hurting strikes me as thrilling. </span>There is
always something new to learn about God, people, and ourselves, as we carry on
the adventure of interfacing <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Christ’s fullness of redemption with pressing
human needs</b></span>.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Pastoral counseling is unique because there is
no end point or final statement, but rather an
ongoing engagement, every new insight adding to the pastoral counselor's resourcefulness and
wisdom, every new technique bringing <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>new possibilities for healing and helping</b></span>.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I also hold a long-standing belief, held for forty-five years now, that Christian doctrine
supports the ministry of counseling. The church is an extraordinary
place for counseling to occur, since <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>pastors witness lives unfolding across the
generational boundaries</b></span>. They enjoy the unique opportunity to guide individuals
seeking one or more sessions of pastoral counseling into deeper dialogue with
themselves, others, and God.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUBo8_GEqSAclDz7MUuSJUs5BPxm4bMHkOwCqiZLRjDHEDFQclQQKQ9QiVooGLdKYUHX6oMxlCccqak712Fg4fP0rsLWMK0k7uH2VTw5eyYUFHWf4tXWIk7AbcykdbKx5tp3mBuQuhgrk/s1600/images-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUBo8_GEqSAclDz7MUuSJUs5BPxm4bMHkOwCqiZLRjDHEDFQclQQKQ9QiVooGLdKYUHX6oMxlCccqak712Fg4fP0rsLWMK0k7uH2VTw5eyYUFHWf4tXWIk7AbcykdbKx5tp3mBuQuhgrk/s320/images-2.jpg" width="285" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Growing in Christ<b><br /></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I'm sure you would agree that there is nothing more satisfying than seeing a person <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>grow in Christ</b></span>, in part as a consequence of your pastoral counseling. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">And I would add that I find an equal satisfaction in writing the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Compass Series books</b></span>, summing up a lifetime of
counseling into principles and possibilities that might be of service to
you.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></span>
</div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-10084160638017978972013-03-08T09:22:00.004-08:002013-03-08T09:22:39.819-08:00Hope for Aggressive Personality Disorders<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Do you find that the people you see in pastoral
counseling lose hope? Like when someone stuck on the Assertion compass point
with too much aggression feels there is no way out of reacting with anger or
deception? </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1KuvqPDcbi_2i_GH_3E6lOZS-bVydOf0vdscXvwFGT9DXQkjMmIsT-gOOnfie1PB7-a5Y2Cz8CBBdzxqhLhgXXlJ1CltNBU5PFreVgWFfmBvRXTLo4ozBpUUDrszRWS59Hq76rK9Zy7M/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1KuvqPDcbi_2i_GH_3E6lOZS-bVydOf0vdscXvwFGT9DXQkjMmIsT-gOOnfie1PB7-a5Y2Cz8CBBdzxqhLhgXXlJ1CltNBU5PFreVgWFfmBvRXTLo4ozBpUUDrszRWS59Hq76rK9Zy7M/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><i>Losing hope</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">You can offer them some good news. The <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Paranoid
Arguer </b></span>and the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Antisocial Rule-breaker </b></span>personality disorders do offer hope.
Here is how you might say it:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">There is a curious paradox rooted in your
personality pattern. Every personality pattern possesses a particular virtue unique to
that pattern. Yet it is only accessible by embracing your whole Self Compass. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3HybABI59aks0gPZFnWYY_gz0mGYkw0c8zLy_yC2a_IEb4FGQaNewZ8C-CtKYfy3rPmjo_VAgabQcA1YEJ4-b-U2Wz2AqoieKrBV6hHH8fG-0ZKbxIA2PbVa-OKWOiwJqDPU2PeAGOYY/s1600/Compass+Virtues.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3HybABI59aks0gPZFnWYY_gz0mGYkw0c8zLy_yC2a_IEb4FGQaNewZ8C-CtKYfy3rPmjo_VAgabQcA1YEJ4-b-U2Wz2AqoieKrBV6hHH8fG-0ZKbxIA2PbVa-OKWOiwJqDPU2PeAGOYY/s400/Compass+Virtues.jpg" width="365" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Compass Virtues</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOK" style="line-height: normal; margin-right: .25in; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm; font-weight: bold !msorm; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Arguer—</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm; font-style: italic !msorm; mso-bidi-font-style: normal !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;"><span style="font-weight: normal !msorm;">virtue of courage</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></i></b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">A
master of debate and rhetoric. Not intimidated by anyone. </span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Able
to hold up under stress. </span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Good
at confrontation and challenging unfairness.</span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">A
fearless negotiator.</span></span></span></span></li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">As
a recovering Arguer, you shed</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> the angry chip-on-the shoulder<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">
and discover what love is all about. Drawing on the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b>virtue of courage</b></i></span>, you find
ways of asking for forgive</span></span>ness<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;"> and making amends to
those you have harmed (<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Love and Weakness compass points</b></span>). Instead of
ventilating explosively when you feel mad, you ask God and others for help in
handling anger. Combining caring with the ability to assert, you stand up <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>for
others' rights</b></span> as well as your own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Recovering
Arguers turn suspicion of people’s motives into a <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>discerning trust of others</b></span>. </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Because your
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Assertion compass point</b></span> is balanced by with the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Love compass point</b></span>, y<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">ou
</span></span>can now <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">upgrade your negotiating
skills to include less competitive tension and more con</span></span>cern for
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>overall fairness</b></span>. </span></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Finding
more pleasure in relationships, you laugh or hug more readily. When arguments
or emergencies occur, you use t<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>he ability to handle stress by holding steady</b></span>,
while working out a solution for the common good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilLGqvrGx_rioaGCoGBFNv4Z2e-97xyqANM_uMuoD1xY7VZVJFNQy9SOO_JgRm5KfnM83vPLC71ksQhyphenhyphenSYFdU_t9sfJG_X49fWA1zNJiG6Nnb4ktQDs9ncQCR_DfIudk-l8AbqcM1hgJ4/s1600/Rule-breaker+Pattern.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilLGqvrGx_rioaGCoGBFNv4Z2e-97xyqANM_uMuoD1xY7VZVJFNQy9SOO_JgRm5KfnM83vPLC71ksQhyphenhyphenSYFdU_t9sfJG_X49fWA1zNJiG6Nnb4ktQDs9ncQCR_DfIudk-l8AbqcM1hgJ4/s320/Rule-breaker+Pattern.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Arguer & Rule-breaker Self Compass Growth</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="COMPASSBOOK" style="line-height: normal; margin-right: .25in; tab-stops: 1.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOK" style="line-height: normal; margin-right: .25in; tab-stops: 1.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b>Rule-breaker<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm; font-weight: bold !msorm; mso-bidi-font-weight: normal !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">—</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm; font-style: italic !msorm; mso-bidi-font-style: normal !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;"><span style="font-weight: normal !msorm;">virtue of creativity.</span></span></span></b></i></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Inventive and
imaginative. </span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Non-conforming. </span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Risk-taking.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Knows how to cut through
red tape. </span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Gives novel responses to
new or difficult situations. </span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Is not intimidated by
threats or punishment, which only makes for more resourcefulness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></span></li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There comes to
be a <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>good feeling about doing the right thing</b></span>. About researching guidelines for
doing tax forms and following them to the letter. About paying for everything
you take from a store, even if there’s an opportunity not to. About
establishing an inner code of conduct where you care about God’s opinion of
your actions. You like the inner security that comes with having integrity. <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">When
you humbly </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">ask God to be part of your life (Weakness compass point), <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">God
can use your <span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b>creativity</b></i></span> to bring <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>innovation</b></span> and <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>needed changes to the status
quo</b></span>.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Because
you are not rule-bound, you can ferret out </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>inventive</b></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>
but workable solutions</b></span> to problems. A recovering Rule-breaker’s sense of
adventure and fearlessness allows you to live on the edge where others would
fear to tread.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">Creativity
takes on </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">an <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">altruistic </span></span>dimen<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">sion
by incorporating <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>empathy</b></span> </span></span>from the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Weakness compass point<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;">
</span></span></b></span>with <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman" !msorm;"><span style="mso-prop-change: "Dan Montgomery" 20060308T1354;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>caring service</b></span> from the
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Love compass point</b></span>. </span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">As rigid patterns fall away, in their stead
comes the harvest of your labor: Compass virtues. Virtues that can now sprout
forth as <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>fruits of the Holy Spirit </b></span>(Gal 5:22). Why? Because you are
surrendering your patterns to Jesus Christ. </span></span></div>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">For more, read: </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Self-Compass-Charting-Personality-Christ/dp/1430324171/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-4227048-0813666?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1189126995&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i><b>THE SELF COMPASS: CHARTING YOUR PERSONALITY IN CHRIST </b></i></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgueuaOMg3f4hJus18_OhQmm4cSvv6zDwZR2O9-88fen8ksK3jmUaADSSfmOAYNbbNn2x3f2ZhqggkLpcKWQf48jmTyQcIgrXibT1ykYppFVFwlUgkFe1gnBB5vzNBFTvzDsE-TvFAkBc0/s1600/Self+Compass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgueuaOMg3f4hJus18_OhQmm4cSvv6zDwZR2O9-88fen8ksK3jmUaADSSfmOAYNbbNn2x3f2ZhqggkLpcKWQf48jmTyQcIgrXibT1ykYppFVFwlUgkFe1gnBB5vzNBFTvzDsE-TvFAkBc0/s320/Self+Compass.jpg" width="214" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><i><b>The Self Compass</b></i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
</div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-20170527538067706932013-03-01T10:45:00.001-08:002013-03-02T11:08:03.265-08:00Transforming Personality Disorders Into Virtues<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Arial;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 2 2 2 2 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536859905 -1073711037 9 0 511 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Times;
panose-1:2 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Times;
panose-1:2 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Palatino;
panose-1:2 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
line-height:200%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Times;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
p.MsoBodyText, li.MsoBodyText, div.MsoBodyText
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-link:"Body Text Char";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
line-height:200%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan lines-together;
page-break-after:avoid;
tab-stops:.5in;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Palatino;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
p.MsoBodyTextIndent, li.MsoBodyTextIndent, div.MsoBodyTextIndent
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-link:"Body Text Indent Char";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-indent:.5in;
line-height:200%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
p.BOOKSSTYLE, li.BOOKSSTYLE, div.BOOKSSTYLE
{mso-style-name:"BOOKS STYLE";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.5in;
line-height:200%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Palatino;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
p.ChapSubheadQuoteItal, li.ChapSubheadQuoteItal, div.ChapSubheadQuoteItal
{mso-style-name:"Chap Subhead Quote Ital";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:center;
line-height:24.0pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
tab-stops:.5in;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Times;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
font-style:italic;
mso-bidi-font-style:normal;}
span.BodyTextChar
{mso-style-name:"Body Text Char";
mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-locked:yes;
mso-style-link:"Body Text";
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:Palatino;
mso-ascii-font-family:Palatino;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-hansi-font-family:Palatino;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
span.BodyTextIndentChar
{mso-style-name:"Body Text Indent Char";
mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-locked:yes;
mso-style-link:"Body Text Indent";
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-ascii-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-hansi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
p.2Montgomery, li.2Montgomery, div.2Montgomery
{mso-style-name:2Montgomery;
mso-style-update:auto;
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Virtues lie
hidden within personality patterns.</span></b></span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b> </b></span>When accessed
with God’s help, and freed from manipulative rigidity, these virtues house the
power to disarm the very patterns that contain them. To transform
personality through the process of becoming Christlike. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz92H3LBJh3_MPZQ15XTmcjvc4ZRDzuZc0a94xldcUZFvqSj0S-RXiaDpdHjKYlsrqRYH5KVm8mdjXgNjOodBqlR8z50ZDDYpyU1zCnO3l3FdbYkDwQKHuDm0ahUJ9ZTo8cdWuuESo824/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiz92H3LBJh3_MPZQ15XTmcjvc4ZRDzuZc0a94xldcUZFvqSj0S-RXiaDpdHjKYlsrqRYH5KVm8mdjXgNjOodBqlR8z50ZDDYpyU1zCnO3l3FdbYkDwQKHuDm0ahUJ9ZTo8cdWuuESo824/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Becoming Christlike</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Growing more like Jesus is at first tentative and feels self-conscious.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> It is a process that
requires rhythmic swings between the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>compass points of Love and Assertion, Weakness and Strength</b></span>, resulting in fewer
manipulative ploys. More core self-disclosure.</span></span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; tab-stops: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When the
Dependent Pleaser patterned person <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>asserts rather than placates</b></span>, for example, the need
for always pleasing others lessens. The core self grows less dependent on
others, resulting in less anxiety, more authentic caring. There is more
congruence between an interior feeling and its external expression.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: normal; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; page-break-after: auto; tab-stops: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoBodyText" style="line-height: normal; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; page-break-after: auto; tab-stops: .5in; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Out
of a pattern’s rigidity, its virtue is born.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> And
now the person takes hold. With
God’s guidance, for evermore.</span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Out of the
Dependent Pleaser pattern comes the virtue of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Charity</b></span>: kindness, untainted by placating
neediness.</span></span></li>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">From the
Histrionic Storyteller: <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Good Cheer</b></span>. Confident lightheartedness.</span></span></li>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Paranoid Arguer:
Courage. The ability to speak hard truths diplomatically.</span></span></li>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Antisocial Rule-breaker: <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Creativity</b></span>.
Risk-taking that does not harm.</span></span></li>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Avoidant Worrier:
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Empathy</b></span>. Sensitive rapport.</span></span></li>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Schizoid Loner:
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Objectivity</b></span>.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>Fair-minded exchange of
ideas. </span></span></li>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Narcissistic Boaster:
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Autonomy</b></span>. Confident leadership.</span></span></li>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
Compulsive Controller: <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Discipline</b></span>. Competence, with room for error.</span></span></li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJMMQmRlQtCul245kdzF3dIV9EOIHPjLBCPVqkjzNTfsOPN30EfeEg2bfKM7J8RjPeHNAWtSslEBKqGdGDKSOFODtD0axEeqXh6GqYtjBpJfI3c_yenubaLhmSl7dzHmCQDTHgNP_kF88/s1600/Compass+Virtues.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJMMQmRlQtCul245kdzF3dIV9EOIHPjLBCPVqkjzNTfsOPN30EfeEg2bfKM7J8RjPeHNAWtSslEBKqGdGDKSOFODtD0axEeqXh6GqYtjBpJfI3c_yenubaLhmSl7dzHmCQDTHgNP_kF88/s400/Compass+Virtues.jpg" width="365" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Compass Virtues</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Compass
virtues are born, not of striving, but from unforced rhythms of grace. They
grow from experiential trust upon the Holy Spirit coupled with relaxed
growth stretches into neglected compass points. Virtues flow energetically from
the alternating polarities of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Love and Assertion, Weakness and Strength</b></span>, as
they did in Christ’s personality. Such movement creates a dynamically balanced
Self Compass that provides direction in emerging life situations.</span></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How do these
virtues emerge?</span><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b> </b></i></span><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>As personality patterns are redeemed.</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6640985419879741743" name="_Toc138758858"></a></span></div>
<div class="2Montgomery" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></div>
<div class="ChapSubheadQuoteItal" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-style: normal; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When persons offer themselves to God in this transformative
process, they are aligning with <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the full power of the Trinity</b></span>. When they
acknowledge their wrongs and begin the journey that will claim their entire
Self Compass, they find hope in Jesus Christ: “In (Jesus) we have redemption
through his blood,” Paul declares, “the forgiveness of our trespasses,
according to the riches of his grace” (Eph 1:7).</span></span></div>
<div class="2Montgomery" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For example, Redeemed Pleasers cultivate the virtue of charity as they catch it when compliance verges on placating. They recognize the curls of tension forming in their chest and stop to ask an internal
question: <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Am I appeasing this person when
both of us would be better served if I said what I really feel? </i></b></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The old undercurrent of resentment caused by overly pleasing behavior now</span></span> replaced by authentic love, the virtue of charity.</span></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For more, read:</span></span></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Compass-Psychotheology-Psychology-Theology-Really/dp/1847281788/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b/103-7688834-1303849" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">COMPASS PSYCHOTHEOLOGY"</span></b></i></span></a></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Compass-Psychotheology-Psychology-Theology-Really/dp/1847281788/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b/103-7688834-1303849" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">Where Psychology & Theology Really Meet</span></b></i></span></a></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="BOOKSSTYLE" style="line-height: normal; text-indent: 0in;">
</div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-43023585260950491982013-02-23T09:02:00.000-08:002013-02-23T12:52:33.569-08:00The Pastoral Counselor And The Aggressive Personality<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Arial;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 2 2 2 2 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536859905 -1073711037 9 0 511 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
p.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, li.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, div.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE
{mso-style-name:"COMPASS BOOK STYLE";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.25in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style> <br />
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In Compass Therapy, aggressive
counselees fall into two categories, both of which are located on the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Assertion</b></span>
compass point of the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Self Compass</b></span>. These are the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Paranoid Arguer</b></span>, who is characterized
by chronic suspicion, spitefulness, and a need to blame and attack others
rather than face one’s own deficiencies, and the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Antisocial Rule-breaker</b></span>, who
is able to lie convincingly, exploit others without guilt, and use every
situation for self-gain. </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">These labels
are derived by combining a clinical personality disorder from <i>DSM</i>, like paranoid
and antisocial, with a practical common sense descriptor that anyone can understand,
like arguer and rule-breaker. </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgESbGlXZwzU9ORYhpqn5UnrD7txuhact8Dj9yYoTYi6ll7D0Szzfkmuyqp4o3JHJsDt_m7tpphOdXYiPqf9bU-Xbcxnhn810IimmqGY_bLNqG44FSEdU3tPfrCUaZcgNAOjG-LQgAhI2M/s1600/Assertion+Stuck+SC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgESbGlXZwzU9ORYhpqn5UnrD7txuhact8Dj9yYoTYi6ll7D0Szzfkmuyqp4o3JHJsDt_m7tpphOdXYiPqf9bU-Xbcxnhn810IimmqGY_bLNqG44FSEdU3tPfrCUaZcgNAOjG-LQgAhI2M/s320/Assertion+Stuck+SC.jpg" width="263" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Paranoid and Antisocial Personality Disorders</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">As shown in
the diagram, these patterns don’t simply dwell in the Assertion compass point;
they overly exaggerate it with chronic anger and hostility. The way they do
this is by <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>nullifying the Love compass point</b></span>; that is, wiping out expressions
of forgiveness, nurturance, understanding, kindness, affection, or compassion
from their personalities. In other words, they are like barrels of hydrochloric
acid. If you tip them slightly, they spill over and splatter you like a caustic
chemical.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">So it is
perfectly fair for you to wear a <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>hazardous chemical suit</b></span> when meeting these
patterns in a session. It is not a question of whether they will ventilate on
you or find your weakest point and exploit it to their advantage. Of course
they will. </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYt94ugZO1rGpquz7xTLH20zA8wKd1Eq1fzvyNYcHRDlRcqDbVoz4picjG5Rm8FU7eZIlBRenTwZRlsa05cgQBx2fkFl5FxBe5jjAFRJ3HhJwAoq8uO7cZ2BosCT5kcp4s80qmLJX3MDs/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYt94ugZO1rGpquz7xTLH20zA8wKd1Eq1fzvyNYcHRDlRcqDbVoz4picjG5Rm8FU7eZIlBRenTwZRlsa05cgQBx2fkFl5FxBe5jjAFRJ3HhJwAoq8uO7cZ2BosCT5kcp4s80qmLJX3MDs/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Therapist Self-Protection</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Personality patterns rob people of a fuller life
that could include love and diplomatic assertion, and humility and esteem, and
replace this potential with self-perpetuated mechanisms held rigidly in place
by the mind, heart, body, and spirit, all serving the aim of the pattern. In the case of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Paranoid Arguers</b></span> and <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Antisocial Rule-breakers</b></span>, these patterns
dictate that the counselees will act <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>abusively and disrespectfully</b></span>, with an uncanny
knack for extracting a pound of flesh despite and even because of your efforts
to help them. </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">1. You protect
yourself, and become a more effective therapist, by <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>giving up your need to help them</b></span>. If you carry into
the session a need to be caring, compassionate, and helpful, they will detect
this and use it to frustrate and torment you. You might say that as long as
they are unwilling to really participate in therapy by learning about
themselves and taking active risks for growth and change, they will have a
vested interest in showing how much you don’t know about life and how incompetent
you are because you don’t magically make them happy.</span></span> </div>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">2. Another way
the aggressive patterns can torpedo therapy and wound your self-esteem comes <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>if
you need to get chummy with them</b></span> in order to win them over with kindness and
understanding. They’ll try to <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>recruit</b></span> you into aligning with them in anger
against a laundry list of people who they believe have wronged them. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">3. If at any
point you back off, their charm will instantly turn into caustic ventilation,
and you’ll learn quickly what masters they are at <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>emotional blackmail </b></span>as they
throw you into the boiling pot like all the other plucked chickens they’ve
cooked.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">4. Now that you
know to wear a chemical suit, resist recruitment, and watch out for emotional
blackmail, I want to add a last suggestion. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Breathe deeply through your abdomen
and regularly melt your muscles</b></span> during sessions with aggressive individuals.
Relaxing your body promotes emotional resiliency, mental flexibility, and
spiritual equanimity. </span></span></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOZItug3hBPKeUbdip_RIdM_UfXaLR5BTHa2vk0ZaUY-X7Y0F6ybdCpu_X6r0CthJWRH5-0JgAeL1_9QUS1aYJ3saTKfU6YV6jOw6uCYQ5N-GLQUAN8ZIz9i8tmdPcYteYJPCSgtpGgZ4/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOZItug3hBPKeUbdip_RIdM_UfXaLR5BTHa2vk0ZaUY-X7Y0F6ybdCpu_X6r0CthJWRH5-0JgAeL1_9QUS1aYJ3saTKfU6YV6jOw6uCYQ5N-GLQUAN8ZIz9i8tmdPcYteYJPCSgtpGgZ4/s320/images-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Relaxed Body</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">As you employ these suggestions, not
only do aggressive counselees sense that you cannot be rattled, and that they cannot force you
to go into orbit around their gravitational pull, they actually begin to
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>respect you </b></span>as a professional who doesn’t walk on eggshells: </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“Who is this
therapist, that my usual power doesn’t make afraid?” “Who is this professional
that doesn’t flinch at my verbal attacks?” “Who is this human being who remains
humbly strong and caringly assertive in my presence?” “Maybe I can actually
learn something here.”</span></span></div>
</blockquote>
</div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">That’s if they
stay in therapy long enough to realize their profound needs for personal and
interpersonal development. This comes by <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>learning to access their Weakness and
Love compass points</b></span>, expanding the capability to experience both humility about
their deficiencies and caring versus hostility toward others. A full exposition
of how to help aggressive counselees own and outgrow their rigid patterns is
found in my book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Compass-Therapy-Christian-Psychology-Action/dp/0557022886/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261293602&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Compass Therapy: ChristianPsychology In Action</i></b></a>. </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">And if the
aggressive counselee doesn’t want to grow more whole, don’t fret about it and
don’t try to convince them to stay in therapy against their will. Simply <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>relax
and honor their choice to remain as they are</b></span>, investing your energies in counselees
who do want to benefit from what you have to offer.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-76590126357321450582013-02-16T08:08:00.000-08:002013-02-16T08:08:02.423-08:00The Pastoral Counselor Working with Addictions<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
p.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, li.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, div.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE
{mso-style-name:"COMPASS BOOK STYLE";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.25in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style> <br />
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Every church, every town, and many families know the dark effects of
substance abuse that tear individuals apart. The substance might be alcohol,
drugs, or food, but addiction means that a person has <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>crossed an invisible
line</b></span>, before which they could exercise some cognitive discernment and
volitional choice about ingesting the substance, and after which their willpower
and good intentions are rendered powerless. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">In my opinion, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>addiction groups deserve a special place in the
ministry of the church</b></span>, because when the spiritual fellowship of a Twelve Step
program brings an addict into recovery, then pastoral counseling can focus on
promoting the developmental maturity that the addictive substance formerly
eclipsed.</span><br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBPXLME2U10sUAPSqH8OHzBEslYpQ0uZ7cCVb_4PIPAiwr9cthLZ3FFPiv3SWEE9P0w1jQvOaw7i8aEX6kae4VclPhUNIOZgj4dj2wIXoOd0J4GJf9EAsLmN0k4yVckGFw4zpbCIHwz0Q/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBPXLME2U10sUAPSqH8OHzBEslYpQ0uZ7cCVb_4PIPAiwr9cthLZ3FFPiv3SWEE9P0w1jQvOaw7i8aEX6kae4VclPhUNIOZgj4dj2wIXoOd0J4GJf9EAsLmN0k4yVckGFw4zpbCIHwz0Q/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Recovery from Addiction</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Pastoral counselors might consider taking the initiative in contacting
the central office of the granddaddy of Twelve Step groups, Alcoholics
Anonymous, to see if they want to set up a meeting in the church. This puts
several healing powers into motion. It signals to the community at large that
this church, through an outgoing spirit of altruistic concern, provides a <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>safe
haven</b></span> for people who are struggling with addiction. </span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT_7nQsOVkJ5ZiJjb4hNPtSkz2PN_kXHdS5qkmVmDKDU8eGx0UbJwFZcrAQ3bO3_We5oA5_LsvRzjaqnHN18uQiynuA45QNGZYWgtU7GLnYJNfIVsxRmBZZ2W1UFVIViA40ZeigPHjq80/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT_7nQsOVkJ5ZiJjb4hNPtSkz2PN_kXHdS5qkmVmDKDU8eGx0UbJwFZcrAQ3bO3_We5oA5_LsvRzjaqnHN18uQiynuA45QNGZYWgtU7GLnYJNfIVsxRmBZZ2W1UFVIViA40ZeigPHjq80/s320/images-1.jpg" width="251" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Church Recovery Groups</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">AA fosters a spiritual
awakening by encouraging participants to humbly surrender to a Higher Power, a
ministry that reaches outside of Christianity, yet because AA meetings
traditionally end by saying <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the Lord’s Prayer</b></span>, assures that Christ is in their
midst.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">A Twelve Step group in the church <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>strengthens the life of the
community</b></span> as a whole, promoting recovery from addictions that would otherwise
ravage marriages, families, and neighborhoods of those living in their grip. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Pastoral counseling, when it is sought, can help dismantle the rigid personality
patterns that contributed to addiction in the first place, and guide the person
to repair damaged relationships.</span></b></span></span></div>
</blockquote>
<span style="font-size: small;">FOR MORE, READ:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Compass-Therapy-Christian-Psychology-Action/dp/0557022886/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261293602&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>PASTORAL COUNSELING & COACHING:</b></span></i></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Compass-Therapy-Christian-Psychology-Action/dp/0557022886/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261293602&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>COMPASS THERAPY IN CHURCHES</b></span></i></a> </span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"> </span> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-18259857813717572982013-02-09T10:38:00.002-08:002013-02-09T10:38:56.208-08:00Tips for Christian Counselors: The Book-Stacking Technique<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">For counselees who have difficulty standing up for themselves </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">(especially those stuck in the Dependent personality disorder), the
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">book-stacking technique</i></b></span> is effective
for strengthening a counselee’s courage to say “no”
to other people’s undue requests or expectations.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">You can help buttress their courage by asking them what they think Paul meant when he said, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>"I am not seeking to win the approval of people, but of God"</b></span> (Gal 1:10).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<u><b><span style="font-family: Verdana;">The Book-Stacking Technique</span></b></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Ask the counselee to stand in front of you with
arms extended and palms up. You load them up one by one with several books,
saying as you do so, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>“This represents all the burdens people lay on you without
considering how heavy they are.”</b></span> Once the counselee is loaded to capacity, you
say, “Now while you are feeling the weight of these burdens, tell me what you
are aware of.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE7RbzvPIiW7k5G_IqlJIxqUHVjHjWHL3XB07kiVag5nTq31m-iGVxGKe9ZZHbGglb0j0tH6DjtOoOlJu-TwfRSRgW2J0hPKrcPXYqHOWE3mWHyMw8KfLmcit6kkONPGiW2tgbqemJU_g/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE7RbzvPIiW7k5G_IqlJIxqUHVjHjWHL3XB07kiVag5nTq31m-iGVxGKe9ZZHbGglb0j0tH6DjtOoOlJu-TwfRSRgW2J0hPKrcPXYqHOWE3mWHyMw8KfLmcit6kkONPGiW2tgbqemJU_g/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Book-stacking Technique</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Compliment
them</b></span> on any descriptions they offer, and if they miss certain obvious
qualities, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>prompt them</b></span> with, “What about your body? How does it feel right now
when you’ve accepted all of these jobs?” Or, “Can you form a plan in your mind
to say ‘no’ to the next person who wants to add another book?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">After
waiting for another minute so that the impact of the load can sink into the
psyche, you reverse the process by saying, “Okay, each time you tell me to
remove a book I will. This will represent <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>you standing up to a person</b></span> and
telling them that you can no longer accept assignments that belong to them.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Here
you will hit a <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>temporary therapeutic impasse</b></span>, because the counselee will not
want to disappoint anyone’s hope or risk their ire. But keep coaching them, so
they can successfully assert themselves to remove the books. “Go ahead now, and
tell me to remove the first book.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEZ2ddyc82lLtakrYXs6WS-woGFzQxsd-lzebnvAlgmQPrnWN7xBGHZUaqyxrlTQPykDOelmkKQqordAriL_re_OvxyKksF-3o20yXvf9F-xEkaJEtlmi62NmPMVG-BBxwUziuc9KNGNo/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEZ2ddyc82lLtakrYXs6WS-woGFzQxsd-lzebnvAlgmQPrnWN7xBGHZUaqyxrlTQPykDOelmkKQqordAriL_re_OvxyKksF-3o20yXvf9F-xEkaJEtlmi62NmPMVG-BBxwUziuc9KNGNo/s400/images-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Learning to Be Assertive</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">If
the counselee complies in a mousey voice, you stop the technique and say
something like, “I noticed that <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>you barely whispered</b></span> that request for me to
take a book away. If I were a manipulative person I wouldn’t respond. Try
putting some gusto into your voice and demand that I remove the book.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The
counselee does so, and you remove the book.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“That
was good assertion. Now ask again and really mean it.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The
counselee does so with even more firmness and you remove another book. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“Excellent,” you say, “I’m really starting to believe you. Now for the last two
books, try actually <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>enjoying your assertion</b></span> and <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>feeling the relief </b></span>of not
having to carry these books anymore.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6y1Ww9OB-uEOnSeFagGiGDc0uOB8PnQYd-KozbSZo3WAJQvLRVDZBkqT5wakNUvjjS193h89PoqsF2FopE-GzMyrcWFV1iz2ZMki6wmGagO6ZUYH1-iut6kmDTMYKgB3EDzXqfvzsvZs/s1600/images-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6y1Ww9OB-uEOnSeFagGiGDc0uOB8PnQYd-KozbSZo3WAJQvLRVDZBkqT5wakNUvjjS193h89PoqsF2FopE-GzMyrcWFV1iz2ZMki6wmGagO6ZUYH1-iut6kmDTMYKgB3EDzXqfvzsvZs/s400/images-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Feeling Relieved</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The
counselee does so and you remove both books. The two of you laugh and sit back
in your seats.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“I
want to compliment you for doing a great job <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>asserting your reasonable rights</b></span>,”
you say.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“It
was hard at first, but I think I’m getting the idea that the world doesn’t come
apart at the seams if I say<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘no.’”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“I
wonder if for <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>homework</b></span> this week you might practice some assertion when you
feel it is appropriate? Next week we can talk over what happens.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“Yes,
I’d like to. And I’m saying that because I mean it!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">For more, read:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Counseling-That-Really-Works/dp/1411687531/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b/104-2437830-5537531" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Christian Counseling That Really Works </b></span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEind1iS8RDkDRgg7P24TfsJkZZ8s8DJGXjB4Yf_kQxRTmONZ3etyG1XOfjavSvHbk9UWyGIHE3mjzz6m46VMPy7Qmbcqxn2H7NNNFWcxSuIiAC2yKVUfcHNMgt0MHsBxddUZGe3Y_-xswM/s1600/COUNSELING-FRONT-SILVER.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEind1iS8RDkDRgg7P24TfsJkZZ8s8DJGXjB4Yf_kQxRTmONZ3etyG1XOfjavSvHbk9UWyGIHE3mjzz6m46VMPy7Qmbcqxn2H7NNNFWcxSuIiAC2yKVUfcHNMgt0MHsBxddUZGe3Y_-xswM/s400/COUNSELING-FRONT-SILVER.jpg" width="268" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Christian Counseling</span><b><br /></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><br /></span></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-28067147636168613162013-02-03T08:45:00.002-08:002013-02-03T08:45:51.224-08:00Pastoral Counseling Tips: How to "Sit" on a Feeling<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
p.ChapSubhead, li.ChapSubhead, div.ChapSubhead
{mso-style-name:"Chap Subhead";
mso-style-update:auto;
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
mso-line-height-alt:0pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
tab-stops:.5in;
font-size:11.5pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
font-weight:bold;
mso-bidi-font-weight:normal;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style>
<br />
<div class="ChapSubhead" style="line-height: normal;">
<i><b><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal;">The Rhythm Between Suppression and
Expression</span></b></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The
constant shift between <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>expressing and restraining emotions</b></span> that goes on in
normal social discourse is like the rhythm between the accelerator and brakes
in driving a car across town. People need both functions in complementary
interplay all the time in order to safely arrive where they are heading. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSDcEiOap5EISIR5_DE-2fG-D0wT1ngrVOBMxpeSbCXHHCmpIlhpxCCyVZhlq6e2wpZ8xTMIG-X833YRlDp61LLlPx2HuEiW_4Xvv09EJo7KEJjtPozy-vnjgvmPseMYgaA0khKkabSCc/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSDcEiOap5EISIR5_DE-2fG-D0wT1ngrVOBMxpeSbCXHHCmpIlhpxCCyVZhlq6e2wpZ8xTMIG-X833YRlDp61LLlPx2HuEiW_4Xvv09EJo7KEJjtPozy-vnjgvmPseMYgaA0khKkabSCc/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Through
modeling and coaching about how to diplomatically communicate feelings to
others, you help counselees mature in personality and relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You help them become more open about
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>recognizing</b></span> when they are having an emotion, and then <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>thinking</b></span> about the
context of the feeling: </span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"What is stirring up this feeling?"</span> <span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"></span></li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Am I reacting to
something in the present or reactivating a memory from the past?</span>" </li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Do I need to
alter my thinking in order to change the feeling?" </span></li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">"Do I need to express the
feeling or simply be aware that I’m experiencing it?” </span></li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">There
is real wisdom attached to the notion of counting to ten before expressing a
strong feeling. This ability to <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>“sit on a feeling” </b></span>long enough to reflect on
it, prior to conveying it to others, is called <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>emotional suppression</b></span>. </span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0aI3v9hIXdXyjozdGC076T3XZ0QFYGoxuZPNiYGvGTbBPE8Tb1FItn6_dt7bDXMZpdvymDWKhcTku42o-CAL60U-oP8HssB7Z0zuC3fzT48LfBWQetYomjaLD4_G2u5cMyVzM9ENwCyg/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0aI3v9hIXdXyjozdGC076T3XZ0QFYGoxuZPNiYGvGTbBPE8Tb1FItn6_dt7bDXMZpdvymDWKhcTku42o-CAL60U-oP8HssB7Z0zuC3fzT48LfBWQetYomjaLD4_G2u5cMyVzM9ENwCyg/s320/images-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">"Sit" on a Feeling</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">You
educate your counselees that <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>while emotional repression is unproductive,
emotional suppression is a perfectly healthy adult relational skill</b></span> that
assists them to overlook or diminish feelings that would be disruptive or even
harmful if expressed. By the same token, you lead them to intentionally
express any emotion that contributes to their well-being or helps another person
to understand them better. There is room for expressing hurt, disagreement, or
even anger, but only after enough <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>reflection</b></span> has transpired that they can do so
diplomatically. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Likewise,
counselees need encouragement and sometimes modeling to know how to express
praise, compliments, enjoyment, and excitement without getting so carried away
with these positive feelings that they become <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>histrionic</b></span>. Even feelings like
love often need a little coaching so that the counselee expresses caring
without becoming<span style="color: #ffd966;"><b> invasive or presumptuous </b></span>with another person.</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoOjAtP3IhFqjDQubSimSL7XF3iK1ozoit4dd7Q03TO1M95g2TFDgWtx3VSymXx_0qjbOJo3QC4mNj4-HiPY94BsEJuSEY4naP8gcylLnOo23SjYJAlBJYFtE4NhJK0olPJ093py9Va5E/s1600/willfaces.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoOjAtP3IhFqjDQubSimSL7XF3iK1ozoit4dd7Q03TO1M95g2TFDgWtx3VSymXx_0qjbOJo3QC4mNj4-HiPY94BsEJuSEY4naP8gcylLnOo23SjYJAlBJYFtE4NhJK0olPJ093py9Va5E/s200/willfaces.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Express Feelings</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">One
caveat about working with feelings lies in <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>giving up the need to make a
counselee happy</b></span>, whether at the end of each session, or as a consequence of the
course of counseling. Some individuals create such conflicted circumstances that
happiness will elude them for many years, while others cling to rigid
personality patterns that perpetuate misery. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Here
we must surrender any vestiges we have of a “Messiah Complex.” We can’t heal
all people all the time, but we can accept the reality that we do the best we
can, stopping short of taking responsibility for a person’s life and
choices—even God doesn’t do that! <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b> </b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>Most sessions can end with a </b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>pleasant
emotional tone, in that the pastoral/therapeutic bond creates a </b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>fellowship that
does indeed bring comfort.</b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> For more, read:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/PASTORAL-COUNSELING-COACHING-Compass-Churches/dp/0557194873/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261890261&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana;">PASTORAL COUNSELING & COACHING:</span></b></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/PASTORAL-COUNSELING-COACHING-Compass-Churches/dp/0557194873/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261890261&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Compass Therapy in Churches</b></span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-84255157216115650552013-01-28T08:00:00.001-08:002013-01-28T08:00:51.968-08:00Christian Counseling Techniques for Repressed Emotions<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-1593833729 1073750107 16 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-1593833729 1073750107 16 0 415 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The
Meaning of Repression</span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In
the larger scope of counseling, you are working with individuals who are
sometimes <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">re</i>pressing</b></span>, sometimes <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">su</i>ppressing</b></span>, and sometimes <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ex</i>pressing</b></span> their emotions. By creating a
warm interpersonal climate that is conducive to emotional exploration and discovery,
you help counselees learn to sense and manage their feelings in personal and
interpersonal ways. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Freud
discovered the defense mechanism of repression, which occurs when a person
feels <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>temporarily overwhelmed by a powerful emotion</b></span>. It takes a considerable expenditure
of physiological energy to push an emotion out of awareness and keep it from
re-emerging. This drastic measure is accomplished through a series of
instantaneous maneuvers. The <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>repressed emotion is</b></span> <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>disowned</b></span> so that it takes the
appearance of something foreign and threatening, not something that belongs to
the person. </span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1ufcPM9yC21qf1x583y39Lq6KUOojSDjZI8ElBe8dXeQyq5TLJciwXw_hf5w01HcHbJA1pDCsCLjsF7IQJMWcFPkPi10UKyiluN_VRSwjmqEwf7h9d15zgb92SqsC5-AJ-Evp_S-NdB8/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1ufcPM9yC21qf1x583y39Lq6KUOojSDjZI8ElBe8dXeQyq5TLJciwXw_hf5w01HcHbJA1pDCsCLjsF7IQJMWcFPkPi10UKyiluN_VRSwjmqEwf7h9d15zgb92SqsC5-AJ-Evp_S-NdB8/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Repression</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The person blocks it from cognitive assimilation by locking it in
the dungeon of <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>muscle tension</b></span>, which entails tensing the interlocking actin and
myosin protein molecules in millions of muscle fibers that extend throughout
the body, forming bands of muscular armor that keep the emotion buried and
inaccessible, a kind of <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>iron curtain that bars the emotion from consciousness</b></span>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">This is why counselees are “in the dark” about feelings they have repressed,
and it is why these feelings cannot be brought into the light of awareness without
a <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>temporary sense of anxiety and foreboding</b></span>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<b><i><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Techniques to Handle Repressed Emotions </span></span></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Good counseling makes the unconscious conscious by creating an interpersonal
atmosphere of trust and acceptance, releasing previously bound up energy and repressed
emotion into <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>spontaneous catharsis</b></span>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">For this reason, you don’t need to feel
alarmed if your counselee experiences a few minutes of crying, wringing the
hands, or grimacing. Rather, you coach them as gently as possible into a
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>Lamaze-like birth of emotion</b></span> by employing two techniques: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">1) E</span><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">xpanding the affect, and 2) Normalizing a feeling. </span></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">You do this by saying:</span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“This is very good that you’re in touch
with this feeling…Breathe and let it flow …It’s safe here…That’s good, stay in
touch with this emotion while it flows through your body…It’s okay to have this
feeling, it can’t hurt you now…Relax and give this emotion a new voice. You’re
taking this feeling out of the dark and bringing it into our presence, where we
can finally understand what it’s been trying to say.”</span></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">You
can see as the person responds to your coaching how the feeling is un-repressed
before your eyes. It will grow more vivid and intense only to a certain
point. But when the muscular and psychological resistance melts enough to allow
the counselee to <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>surrender fully to the feeling</b></span>, it quickly passes through the
body and is integrated into the whole of their human nature. Then lo and
behold, it dissipates to the point where it no longer bothers them. </span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX_h1N3JuNJ5xTVYK0qZl4CllU9R5mKn6jZQdhflBU3fof7SyeyhoUAEkFpx34SZo7-TP5usVhlNfMpVRW74tjuonHDLOA0mlkGvN_p34heO_jsQw6sZCTL3uah3uDHo70HSaGufK_Aug/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="219" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX_h1N3JuNJ5xTVYK0qZl4CllU9R5mKn6jZQdhflBU3fof7SyeyhoUAEkFpx34SZo7-TP5usVhlNfMpVRW74tjuonHDLOA0mlkGvN_p34heO_jsQw6sZCTL3uah3uDHo70HSaGufK_Aug/s320/images-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Emotional Catharsis</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">3) Immediately
following an emotional catharsis, you <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>soothe a person’s temporary loss of
control</b></span> by saying, “That was excellent emotional expression.” Often they will
smile with pride, a kind of self-congratulation for the courage they expressed
to stay in touch with the emotion long enough for it to pass, like a kidney
stone, through their system. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">4) Next you move into <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>debriefing</b></span>, which means talking
over the original situation that led to the repressed emotion, and exploring
healthy ways to handle similar situations in the counselee’s current life. You
might say: </span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“What have you just learned from this powerful emotion?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Or, “Now
that you’ve brought this old memory into awareness, what do you think about
it?”</span></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Your counselees will tap into your relaxed curiosity and articulate their own creative insights.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Some
particularly traumatic events in a counselee’s history may need <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>several passes</b></span>
in order to fully assimilate and work through, as when there exists
considerable bitterness in divorce after twenty years of marriage, or when
sexual abuse or rape is involved. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The healing can take place over the course of
several months, but eventually the trapped emotions of rage, terror, or grief
pass through the self system so that <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>the spiritual core—not the repressed
emotions— can take its rightful place as the center of the self</b></span>. Other
less intense emotions, however, can be assimilated almost immediately and not present any
further problems.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">For more, read:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/PASTORAL-COUNSELING-COACHING-Compass-Churches/dp/0557194873/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261890261&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Pastoral Counseling & Coaching:</b></span></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/PASTORAL-COUNSELING-COACHING-Compass-Churches/dp/0557194873/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261890261&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Compass Therapy in the Churches</b></span></a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-83412238014400841302013-01-21T08:17:00.002-08:002013-01-21T08:17:59.127-08:00The Pastoral Counselor and the Avoidant Worrier<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Arial;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 2 2 2 2 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536859905 -1073711037 9 0 511 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1791491579 18 0 131231 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
p.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, li.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, div.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE
{mso-style-name:"COMPASS BOOK STYLE";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.25in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style> <br />
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I can identify with the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>avoidant Worrier</b></span> pattern because in my
seminary years I was haunted by it. I cared a great deal about Christ, and had
even left medical school in response to God’s call on my life. I read through
the entire Bible several times, attended church weekly, and went to Campus
Missions Fellowship on Friday nights. Yet I was still aware of a distance
between me and other people. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Why did
I feel so alone? The
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>depression</b></span> felt like a gunnysack of concrete on my chest, the <span style="color: #ffe599;">hopelessness</span> like
a fist gripping my stomach.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> I finally resolved to see a pastoral counselor at a
nearby church, a very human man who seemed warm enough to entrust with my
heart-wrenching worries.</span>
</div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He responded <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>empathetically and astutely</b></span>. After
asking a number of open-ended questions, he said, “Dan, I really feel for your
pain. It seems to me that somewhere along your development you found human
emotions too painful to handle, and that you created a rift between your mind
and your heart. So your mind kept developing, and that’s why you’re so
academically gifted, but your heart got left behind, and that’s why you feel
so <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>excluded </b></span>from human community.”</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I felt my whole body relax. At last someone had found
words for my deep dilemma, and that meant there might be a way out.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> It wasn’t easy but I
did outgrow the trap of my former <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Weakness-stuck</b></span> life. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yet I didn’t leave the
Weakness compass point behind, because in the course of building Compass
theory, I came to discover that it houses the root source of humility, a
quality that Jesus ascribed to himself when he said, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>“Take my yoke upon you and
learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for
your souls”</b></span> (Mt 11:29).</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAdH23Blatb7kHbkuHeLB2iVViLq5T67JIZ0uIWCOThWYbO5KaRNSYjM01KExHBUc0QWA-dXSlhbGSyxfL17woMFDSJ8io4Qxl2ioBLIqVPeZ4ycDGCLmKqjf1wd2NEfWAJZYhyphenhyphenZ7jMQo/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAdH23Blatb7kHbkuHeLB2iVViLq5T67JIZ0uIWCOThWYbO5KaRNSYjM01KExHBUc0QWA-dXSlhbGSyxfL17woMFDSJ8io4Qxl2ioBLIqVPeZ4ycDGCLmKqjf1wd2NEfWAJZYhyphenhyphenZ7jMQo/s320/images-1.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Jesus: Gentle and Humble of Heart</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span>
</div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When you are counseling someone who manifests worry,
you can discern rather quickly whether this worry is <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>transitory</b></span>, which usually
responds well to brief situational coaching, or <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>chronic and pervasive</b></span> worry,
which calls for insight and support through short-term counseling, or
personality reconstruction in long-term pastoral psychotherapy.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When you encounter a chronic Worrier pattern, here
are some insights you might offer: </span></div>
<ol style="text-align: justify;">
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Worry is a <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>choice</b></span>, not a necessity, although
it often feels necessary to worry.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Worry actively <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>distrusts God’s
involvement</b></span> in life (most people never think of worry this way, but rather
“sanctify” their worry as though it is a virtue).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Worry translated into<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b> action
steps</b></span> has redemptive value, but worry for worry’s sake creates meaningless
misery.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Counselees can transfer the energy it takes to worry into <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>prayer
for guidance and positive steps for change</b></span>.</span></li>
</ol>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">At a physiological level, chronic worry may reflect
the biochemical condition of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>major depression</b></span>, a genetic disorder arising from
the body’s inability to produce enough catecholamine molecules in neuronal synapses.
So it is a good idea to meet with a
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>psychiatrist or family doctor</b></span> who is acquainted with major depression, and who
can act as a medical referral for counselees whose symptoms seem unabated by
psychological and spiritual counseling strategies.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In this case, you can say to your counselee: “I have
a hunch that a portion of your pattern of worry and withdrawal is biological. I
suggest that you see Dr. _________ and explain your symptoms, because taking an
appropriate antidepressant is like receiving a prescription for eyeglasses:<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b> it
helps the world come into better focus so that you can feel more confident in
facing life</b></span>.”</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">If the counselee follows through and receives a
prescription, you continue right along with the pastoral counseling and
coaching, helping them integrate the effects of the meds with their <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>personality
and relationship</b></span> development.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">By way of an overall counseling strategy, keep before
you the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Compass Model</b></span>, so that at times you can guide the counselee’s attention
to growth steps in <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Assertion</b></span>, and other times developing <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Strength</b></span> or <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Love</b></span>. By
the same token, you don’t push too hard, because you respect the secret
security these counselees draw from the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Weakness</b></span> compass point, since as long
as they stay there they don’t have to take risks or assume responsibility. </span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjQJdgkd2RqbGXuYjxH6MIgAqz58WE10BjLj0YbZvpjSgFXjadPgyuGF09G6PbQNMjgthsT4uGppOOQWH0ualWJSQ4aMr_7jtsyBT24HOwPTNiEQmp8rtHaxZjUOYKj6lwYmptL8XD75k/s1600/Worrier+SC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjQJdgkd2RqbGXuYjxH6MIgAqz58WE10BjLj0YbZvpjSgFXjadPgyuGF09G6PbQNMjgthsT4uGppOOQWH0ualWJSQ4aMr_7jtsyBT24HOwPTNiEQmp8rtHaxZjUOYKj6lwYmptL8XD75k/s320/Worrier+SC.jpg" width="311" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Worrier Self Compass</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">So
you relax, even when they express uncertainty, self-doubt, and fear, and in so
doing, you create an interpersonal atmosphere that de-catastrophizes their
worry, offering your calmness to counter their <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>anxiety</b></span> (Strength), your
practical suggestions to counter their <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>learned helplessness</b></span> (Assertion), and
your faithful caring to counter their <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>depersonalization</b></span> (Love).</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">You don’t take on the unrealistic project of turning
them into industrious and confident persons, but rather assist them through
either an extended course of counseling, or occasional meetings, to construct a
developmental bridge that helps them <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>move from fear-filled existence to a more
abundant life</b></span>. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXGAZUXn2oQx_dz1-Cd_DdS8GKJ1RnIxxu_9F1SJE9AhdQ47aL9mGKFB6qzeiwu8ND8rp2GstAMbkNAy6AammGm5PF1QwQB1zsuSll-f799J2MHStMM8xZ0Asqj6v5Dpadl1zuTtqBH8U/s1600/images-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXGAZUXn2oQx_dz1-Cd_DdS8GKJ1RnIxxu_9F1SJE9AhdQ47aL9mGKFB6qzeiwu8ND8rp2GstAMbkNAy6AammGm5PF1QwQB1zsuSll-f799J2MHStMM8xZ0Asqj6v5Dpadl1zuTtqBH8U/s200/images-2.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In a pastoral context, you can pray that they receive the spiritual
empowerment of fortitude. At the end of a session, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>will courage to them</b></span> by
affirming their gradual progress and conveying warm encouragement.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-21217684113097584972013-01-14T10:25:00.000-08:002013-01-14T10:25:14.448-08:00Pastoral Counselors Need Both Love and Assertion
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Arial;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 2 2 2 2 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:128;
mso-generic-font-family:roman;
mso-font-format:other;
mso-font-pitch:fixed;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;
mso-font-charset:128;
mso-generic-font-family:roman;
mso-font-format:other;
mso-font-pitch:fixed;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
p.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, li.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, div.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE
{mso-style-name:"COMPASS BOOK STYLE";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.25in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
-->
</style>
<br />
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Most people I’ve met who have gone into counseling as
a vocation say they did so because they cared about others. They wanted to help
heal persons who were hurting. Yet there is a <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>paradox</b></span> in counseling, in that
counselees can resist a counselor’s assistance as much as they receive it. This
means you can’t maintain <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>a naïve belief that loving counselees is enough to
make them whole</b></span>. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In fact, loving care can get you in a lot of trouble
if you cross certain boundaries with the counselee, developing <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>too much
interpersonal intimacy</b></span>. Many counselors undergo the inglorious experience of
falling in love with one of their counselees. This doesn’t mean that the
counselor acts on this sentiment, because it is equally feasible that the
counselor will recognize the inappropriateness of deepening a misguided love
bond, and will confide in a supervisor or else do the inner work of
intercepting the subjective side of love, transmuting it back into <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>objective caring</b></span>
by not giving it room to grow.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEYG8trMt_YFz2dD7tmcDFbstkSqTUDW9FGG_G47h9EH_2uAM08lPJAVhz6Bty-HpKs_a-TzCTK4LFcNMIm1DhxX3o8YstjwA-70RyMRpznelgBPLH5Rk1BwM79nRnjXqlt50vKmvN8IA/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEYG8trMt_YFz2dD7tmcDFbstkSqTUDW9FGG_G47h9EH_2uAM08lPJAVhz6Bty-HpKs_a-TzCTK4LFcNMIm1DhxX3o8YstjwA-70RyMRpznelgBPLH5Rk1BwM79nRnjXqlt50vKmvN8IA/s400/images-1.jpg" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It is wise to understand that the counseling platform
allows for such <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>profound communion</b></span> of souls that transparency can succumb to
infatuation, where professional caring takes a headlong fall into the ditch of
a love affair. In the years before having sex with counselees became public
knowledge as a glaring legal and professional breach of ethics, counselors
sometimes took such liberties. Now, however, it is at the top of everyone’s
list—counselors and counselees alike—<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>to channel caring into facilitating the
growth and coping skills of the counselee without becoming enmeshed in a
romantic/erotic mess.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It is erroneous to think that pastoral counselors,
because of their consecration to God and assimilation of Christian doctrine,
are immune from such temptations, for they certainly are not. Yet that immunity
is available, and it comes through the awareness that <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the Love compass point
needs effective balancing with the Assertion compass point</b></span> in the pastoral
counselor’s life and practice.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Love compass point </b></span>of the Self Compass enables you to do is
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>forgive</b></span> counselees for the mistakes, broken resolutions, and sometimes
glaringly immature attitudes they will reveal to you, while nurturing them with
a long-term sustenance much akin to Christ’s love for his disciples.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Assertion compass point</b></span>, on the other hand, lets you stand apart
from the counselee, holding your own as a person in your own right, so as not
to become drawn into the counselee’s habitual way of relating to people. For if
a counselee can draw you into their normal interpersonal style and get you to
agree with their perspective, then you will completely lose your power to
effect constructive change in their life. Put differently, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>you give up the need
for your counselee’s approval and gain the ability to tell them the actual
effects of their distorted personality patterns, truncated human nature, and
self-defeating communication style.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Assertion lets you express yourself in ways that
include professional knowledge you’ve acquired from study, training, and
experience. Assertion lets you make <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>tentative hypotheses </b></span>about a counselee’s
unconscious dynamics, even though such information is often startling at first,
or runs counter to their conscious self-image. Of course, you don’t allow your
assertion to become headstrong or brash, because the balance of the Love
compass point is there to reign you in, reminding you that <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>love is patient,
kind, and not rude or arrogant.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJvNozPNacIWtNuaZfS6VMAmVxgPfd3VSphsNKuR3-kJCTU4WAWatree1myCWWg7CA5twO987gW3TMyZR2lmNq7U_8wNZNBCfig0FRcBmRFxZL5VL3d_F12QaRYqfh4RLWgj3PA6ikEgg/s1600/images-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJvNozPNacIWtNuaZfS6VMAmVxgPfd3VSphsNKuR3-kJCTU4WAWatree1myCWWg7CA5twO987gW3TMyZR2lmNq7U_8wNZNBCfig0FRcBmRFxZL5VL3d_F12QaRYqfh4RLWgj3PA6ikEgg/s320/images-3.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Think about this <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>polarity</b></span> for a moment. Picture the
ways you show the Love compass point in your personal and professional life:
caring, forgiving, nurturing, supporting. Now move to the opposite compass
point and picture the ways you manifest Assertion: expressing, diplomatically
confronting, negotiating, and challenging. Now let the two polarities move into
a <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>dynamic rhythm</b></span> that encompasses many shades and nuances of Love and Assertion, working synergistically to give your personality and interpersonal
communication a balance of <span style="color: #fff2cc;"><b>loving assertion and assertive loving</b></span>. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It is
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>reassuring</b></span> to know that if you become too loving, sliding into subjective
caring that becomes inappropriate, you can <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>recover quickly</b></span> by moving into assertion and making choices that restore balance. Or if you stay too long in Assertion to the point of getting argumentative, contrary, or unforgiving,
you can recover your balance by moving into Love.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz4ks5UOBP9bltY_UT5d5zjPJWzxT-7GIFMbpbEsKxKh6Uy74NsPE58cuPTuDaqPctvVJDMNf0Hy9VklfzA-C-wvH1g3uTUxR7gnWHhjIGSPjr0p5crYUpzrsl5obrVUf8amAzroO5aOE/s1600/images-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz4ks5UOBP9bltY_UT5d5zjPJWzxT-7GIFMbpbEsKxKh6Uy74NsPE58cuPTuDaqPctvVJDMNf0Hy9VklfzA-C-wvH1g3uTUxR7gnWHhjIGSPjr0p5crYUpzrsl5obrVUf8amAzroO5aOE/s1600/images-4.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The key to this attitudinal and behavioral
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>flexibility</b></span> lies in <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>existential openness to God’s guidance</b></span>. Just as the
disciples needed open minds and flexible personalities in order to keep hearing
and benefiting from Jesus’ interactions with them, so <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the Holy Spirit can
spontaneously move within your personality and behavior</b></span>, both in counseling
sessions and in your private life. And your ability to guide counselees toward
Christlike wholeness radiates from your own continued growth in Christ.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-73636846486016567212013-01-06T08:16:00.001-08:002013-01-06T08:16:41.280-08:00The Holy Spirit and Pastoral Counseling<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It
is perfectly appropriate for a pastoral counselor to suggest that God is
present in counseling, offering <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>redemptive hope</b></span> that helps remove obstacles
blocking the way to wholeness. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In
some contexts, a pastoral counselor’s freedom to invoke God’s blessing through
prayer is part of the counseling process. This is especially true in <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>pastoral
ministry, spiritual direction, and church-based counseling centers.</b></span> On the
other hand, there are contexts in which it is unwise to mention God in a
personal way, such as the name of Christ.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Even
so, there is a considerable range of opportunity where <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>spirituality is welcomed
covertly</b></span>, if not overtly, and this may be where a significant number of the new
generation of pastoral counselors find themselves.</span></span></div>
<div class="ChapSubhead">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="ChapSubhead">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>The Spirit Moves Where The Spirit Wills</b></span></span></div>
<div class="ChapSubhead">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtNAb-mvuUebENiCkBWDhtYyqAKF1pOFQEx4zKeXPHRy9ClknwYXENYodHWXFwdP1K9b6ikNgqT7H1_8G83YhoRLNu45bI5g27Gbp7rf2OR2ZSd552CccYBooOl7ApBcqUPzhnfNNJPFA/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtNAb-mvuUebENiCkBWDhtYyqAKF1pOFQEx4zKeXPHRy9ClknwYXENYodHWXFwdP1K9b6ikNgqT7H1_8G83YhoRLNu45bI5g27Gbp7rf2OR2ZSd552CccYBooOl7ApBcqUPzhnfNNJPFA/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="ChapSubhead" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">As a professor at a
graduate school of psychology, I found myself in one of these places. While affiliated
with a Christian denomination, the university reached out to students of all races and
faiths, and pursued academic excellence within a context that celebrated and
extended the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>spiritual and ethical ideals of the Christian faith</b></span>.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Yet
Christian witness or prayer was not acceptable in the classroom. I
understood and accepted this. Nevertheless, some students knew of my <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>relationship
to Christ</b></span>, and perhaps because of that saw me more as a pastoral counselor than
a professional psychologist. Greg was such a student.</span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Following
a class one afternoon, Greg called me aside in the hallway and said, “Dan, can
we talk privately?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“Sure,”
I said. I opened the door to an empty classroom and we sat down in two desks.
“What’s on your mind?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“Well,”
he said, looking suddenly unsure, “I just wanted to get something off my chest
and you’re the one I’ve chosen.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“I’m
honored. Go ahead.” </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“My
life has fallen to pieces. Ever since elementary school, I had only one goal in
life and it didn’t matter what it cost to get there.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“That’s
unusual clarity and single-mindedness. What was the goal?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“To
become a National Football League player. And finally, last spring, I was
recruited.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“That’s
great news. Congratulations.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Greg’s
face turned to stone and he shook his head. “That’s when it happened,” he said.
“I had a great spring training and a strong start to the season. But then I got
hepatitis.” His eyes watered and voice broke. “They hospitalized me. My skin
turned yellow.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“I
am so sorry,” I said.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“It
gets worse. The doctor said there was permanent liver damage—that <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>I could never
play football again</b></span>….” </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">We
sat searching each others' eyes for a long minute. I let my face express the
shock and sorrow I felt.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Finally,
placing my hand over my heart, I said, “This is truly tragic. How have you
possibly coped?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“That’s
just it,” he said. “I haven’t. I withdrew from my wife to the point where we
hardly talk anymore. I withdrew from the players because it was excruciating to
watch them working out. And <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>I withdrew from God because I don’t believe he
exists any more</b></span>.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Another
silence.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Now
I knew why Greg had chosen me. Paradoxically, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>he had sought out a person of
faith in order to confess his loss of faith</b></span>.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“Greg,
I believe you of all people have every right to challenge God’s existence,” I said.
“Do you care to share more about that?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He
nodded. “Yes. I always thought it was God calling me into professional
football. I asked his help all the times I felt crushed by opposition or numb
with pain. I thought he had big plans for me. And then when I finally became a
pro and got my uniform and saw my name on the locker, he gave me hepatitis.
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>What kind of God does that to a child he loves!</b></span>”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I
suddenly felt as helpless as Greg did. I had no answer for God. It would have
seemed trite to quote a scripture or ask if he still attended church. At times
like this I can wonder why I got into counseling in the first place. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Some problems
seem too profound to fix.</b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“So
that’s why I came to you today,” said Greg, breaking through my internal
anguish. “I want you to pray for me.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My
mind became a freight train:
Oh-my-goodness-what-have-I-got-myself-into-I’m-not-supposed-to-witness-to-faith-in-Christ-here!</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Fortunately
another voice, a calmer one with a different message, whispered within me: <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dan, it’s okay to offer a healing prayer
when a person asks for spiritual help.</i></b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“All right, Greg,” I
said. I bowed my head. “Dear Father, you’ve heard Greg pour out his pain and confusion
today. All his hopes have been destroyed; all his dreams shattered. Can you
please, in your brilliant capacity for resurrection, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>restore this young man to
a life filled with meaning and fulfillment</b></span>? I praise you and thank you in
Jesus’ name, Amen.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I looked up, but Greg
still had his head in his hands.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">“Greg,” I said
gently. “Would you like to say a prayer too?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">He hesitated. Then he
said, “Oh Lord, I am so sorry I have forsaken you. I never even said goodbye. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>I
just tightened my heart and shut you out.</b></span> Just like I shut out Marilyn. And all
you both ever did was try to love me and help me through life. Please come back
to me. Please don’t leave me all alone….” </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">My heart caught. I
sat waiting for Greg to finish the prayer. But he didn’t, at least not that I
could see. Instead, he began to tremble. I thought immediately,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Oh no, I’ve done it now…I pushed this
student over the edge…he’s having a panic attack.</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The trembling
increased and so did my heart rate, until Greg suddenly sat bolt upright and
practically shouted, “I feel him, Dan. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>I feel God. He is right here with us!</b></span>” </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It took a moment for
me to understand that this was no psychotic break, but a glorious visitation by
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the Mighty Counselor himself</b></span>.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I watched as Greg
looked upward, directly over my head, beaming like a child chucked under the
chin—a six-foot-six two hundred and fifty pound young man being <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>hugged and
loved by his heavenly Father</b></span>.</span></span></div>
</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSJcvpPk-YZjjWafvMuBD1meTBxnVJ2l9cd0OyjUN_y_idfCk4DD3-NaAk4AmD3A-W6gvSM2XmCXdzQSlfGgcOJR5VD1jesrJ84LLsavF1PA7V0LSwv_ciLmaHZ8bivLra3Xw6BaXK2XI/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSJcvpPk-YZjjWafvMuBD1meTBxnVJ2l9cd0OyjUN_y_idfCk4DD3-NaAk4AmD3A-W6gvSM2XmCXdzQSlfGgcOJR5VD1jesrJ84LLsavF1PA7V0LSwv_ciLmaHZ8bivLra3Xw6BaXK2XI/s320/images-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When we did finish up
our impromptu session that day, I left campus appreciating more than ever that
we are not alone as pastoral counselors. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>We are not left fending for ourselves
with mere counseling theories and clinical techniques.</b></span> The Holy Spirit moves
where the Spirit wills, and that especially means moving where people are
broken and needing one called alongside to help them, one like you or me and
the Lord. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Greg later told me that <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>God had led him to become a football coach</b></span>, a calling that he greatly enjoyed in service of his Lord and Savior. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-indent: .25in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-55823468176623827432012-12-30T11:31:00.001-08:002012-12-30T11:31:15.247-08:00The Pastoral Counselor Needs Both Strength and Weakness<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Arial;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 2 2 2 2 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536859905 -1073711037 9 0 511 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
p.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, li.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, div.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE
{mso-style-name:"COMPASS BOOK STYLE";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.25in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style>
<br />
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Self
Compass</b></span> growth tool edifies a pastoral counselor’s life and personality as
effectively as it does a counselee’s. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">After becoming
a psychologist, I unknowingly developed a glitch in my personality. I was so
self-confident (<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Strength</b></span> compass point) that I lacked humility and empathy toward
my counselees (<b><span style="color: #ffe599;">Weakness</span></b> compass point). In other words, I had plenty of
clinical skills as a therapist, but lacked the ability to identify with a
counselee’s vulnerabilities. I wasn’t about to feel vulnerable, especially because
I had spent too much time there in my growing up years. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSy81g5rPh0HXEorCnDNk6QpavdLHVJ9CoAsw2pX3egNseqxkQloHEHjyPHQWc2aJMbfg1_XkS84TtbhY_QPRwj8JxWJoDn2Cg4-izaYWWP1BqXByrk34k7NVAw9GUusVXm4lxSguys-I/s1600/New+Boaster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSy81g5rPh0HXEorCnDNk6QpavdLHVJ9CoAsw2pX3egNseqxkQloHEHjyPHQWc2aJMbfg1_XkS84TtbhY_QPRwj8JxWJoDn2Cg4-izaYWWP1BqXByrk34k7NVAw9GUusVXm4lxSguys-I/s320/New+Boaster.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Narcissistic Boaster</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Looking back
on that early part of my counseling career, I recognize that God was trying to
wake me up, trying to give me clues that being too strong had become my
greatest weakness, but I didn’t want to hear the message. Though I utilized
healthy strength in accomplishing goals, a residue of the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>narcissistic Boaster pattern</b></span> kept
me self-absorbed and one step removed from other people’s pain—too
success-oriented to empathize with others.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Several things
happened that brought a <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>compass awakening</b></span>. There was an extended period of
illness, a devastating financial reversal, and the death of my father. After taking
off several months from counseling in order to put my life back together, the
first few counselees I saw said they
especially appreciated my empathy. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">What? Empathy?
From the Rock of Gibraltar who felt superior to almost everyone? Yet as I reflected
on this new input, I had to agree that it was true. Somehow in the crucible of
my suffering, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>God had balanced out my over-reliance upon Strength, helping me
to develop a more authentic integration of healthy Weakness</b></span>.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0usKhzRBanKAuS70n2R7jtJzLWtZFIn699as7BFkAMJWP3QTtc3uJo_TmkN1icRYvirugBFP_oCyBjk7fuiVZ79M6AcE0Px8pA_ZTwb70nJrf5atmoAreX_5cq7vOZWyLzAb_o3KCdzE/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0usKhzRBanKAuS70n2R7jtJzLWtZFIn699as7BFkAMJWP3QTtc3uJo_TmkN1icRYvirugBFP_oCyBjk7fuiVZ79M6AcE0Px8pA_ZTwb70nJrf5atmoAreX_5cq7vOZWyLzAb_o3KCdzE/s400/images.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Arial;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 2 2 2 2 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536859905 -1073711037 9 0 511 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
p.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, li.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, div.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE
{mso-style-name:"COMPASS BOOK STYLE";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.25in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style>
</span></div>
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The Rhythm of
Weakness and Strength</span></b><br />
<b>
</b><br />
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In terms of
the Weakness and Strength polarity within your personality, there is a profound
wisdom conveyed through Scripture but often <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>lost in culture at large</b></span>. The entry
point for following Christ comes through <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>weakness</b></span>, not strength. Compass
Therapy purposely uses the term “Weakness” to highlight the universality of
human fallibility—conjoined with the truth that acknowledging one’s weaknesses
leads to humility and empathy for others.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">If you think
about it, no one in the biblical narrative called upon God or followed Christ
out of sheer human strength. Such strength creates the sense that one is fully
capable of living one’s life without God’s help. But biblical characters, to
the degree that they developed intimacy with God, uniformly <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>confessed</b></span> <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>their
weaknesses and acknowledged their sin and need.</b></span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz56pGAij_WnAhAGuj_IdBa2n1fOChaLo5PV1iKiZkvEs9zqWHDxrwhLoew-Pu9XIyItdXqw3PdPa54PEB65eOpKNp0tQonswDUKX7DrNd0dJmaqxayB_1s5lUtw1SRMAUBit4uTSS56M/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz56pGAij_WnAhAGuj_IdBa2n1fOChaLo5PV1iKiZkvEs9zqWHDxrwhLoew-Pu9XIyItdXqw3PdPa54PEB65eOpKNp0tQonswDUKX7DrNd0dJmaqxayB_1s5lUtw1SRMAUBit4uTSS56M/s320/images-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">As a pastoral
counselor, you build upon this willingness to acknowledge your humanness and
resist appearing infallible. In your personal and professional life, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>you
maintain an ongoing dialogue with the Lord, based on your need for him to
impart to you some of his own qualities as the</b></span> <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Mighty Counselor</b></span>. Yet even
Christ lives out this polarity of Weakness and Strength. As the author of
Hebrews points out, he makes perfect intercession for his brother and sister humans,
since he himself has suffered and knows what it’s like to be human.</span>
</div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">There are
going to be times when you leave a particular counseling session <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>feeling quite
furious</b></span> at the counselee for dumping anger on you, or for ignoring your advice
and worsening their situation. You’ll want to tell God, “Sam is a total idiot!
Why did you send him to me?” </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It’s okay to
have these feelings. Counselees can exasperate even the best of counselors. And
some of their behaviors can really grate you. But at the end of the day <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>you surrender
this load to the Lord </b></span>by “casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you”
(1 Pet 5:7). He will use this healthy Weakness to comfort you during the night
and move in mysterious ways that help you the next day. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When it comes
to the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Strength</b></span> compass point, most of us need some help because we don’t
automatically enjoy a self-image as a competent and capable counselor. We develop
this image over time as a consequence of receiving positive feedback from
counselees, and from seeing our professional reputation grow in our church and
community.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">To increase
your confidence in your pastoral counseling identity, say to yourself often
enough for it to really register:<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b> “I appreciate my strengths, capabilities, and
developing talents as a pastoral counselor.” </b></span>This isn’t aimed at making you
cocky, but at strengthening your enjoyment of this vocation and bolstering your
spirits when the occasional session falls flat, or when an encounter with a
hostile or judgmental counselee takes a piece out of you. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Likewise the Weakness
compass point lets you say to yourself, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>“I am a human being with clay feet, and
I am not afraid to ask for help, make an appropriate apology, or experience my
need for strengthening through prayer, relationships, and community.”</b></span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Sa5dE5NCQxyCRi2zElmh0Ekv6W_k4QYe5q1E_-cPHzATx4H2IVl5dkT133vN3HsumQfMtar3BBPN4a6XS-zDFkj6MIGOgVQWnrQ4vSoVbkUVV4XOEfs8BvH0UqZwcU3PutjDcrtGrhM/s1600/images-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Sa5dE5NCQxyCRi2zElmh0Ekv6W_k4QYe5q1E_-cPHzATx4H2IVl5dkT133vN3HsumQfMtar3BBPN4a6XS-zDFkj6MIGOgVQWnrQ4vSoVbkUVV4XOEfs8BvH0UqZwcU3PutjDcrtGrhM/s320/images-2.jpg" width="282" /></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">And when you
get into the thick of a counseling session in which you have no earthly idea
what to do next, just say, as Peter did when walking on water in the presence
of high waves, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>“Help!”</b></span> The Lord loves responding to his shepherds who are
giving their lives to care for his sheep. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-7026244669835186672012-12-23T10:19:00.002-08:002012-12-23T10:19:18.357-08:00Modulating Feelings: The Core of Pastoral Counseling<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When it comes to feelings, there are three types of counselees
you’ll likely meet. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The more cognitive and emotionally guarded person <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>holds
back feelings</b></span>, like a squirrel stuffing its pouches with acorns. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The opposite
occurs with the histrionic counselee who <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>wears the heart on the sleeve</b></span>, blurting
out so many feelings that you can hardly keep up with them. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Persons who have
already struck a <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>healthy balance between thinking and feeling</b></span> will use your
help to clarify emotions, but then articulate them in their own words. </span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Here’s a key principle in applying Compass Therapy to
pastoral counseling: keep it simple. Follow the psychology of the obvious. <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>Help
counselees name, understand, and utilize their emotions so that they are well
served by them. </b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDoTsQZY4cwJEwp0G6U8mNS76FiGdKJ0o2vhhmfmCpOAwII9IxICw671RlPFZfdLrJ3KznXxjFkh1AbQPI6euy8JdhVaC_YfPRLQPqr8CWQ5GoDP25He-I1oyuFAhWp6b3-pMFLFasG2I/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDoTsQZY4cwJEwp0G6U8mNS76FiGdKJ0o2vhhmfmCpOAwII9IxICw671RlPFZfdLrJ3KznXxjFkh1AbQPI6euy8JdhVaC_YfPRLQPqr8CWQ5GoDP25He-I1oyuFAhWp6b3-pMFLFasG2I/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">For the cognitive-oriented counselee, you place less emphasis
on an exchange of ideas or verbal discussions that bypass personal feelings.
This counselee will at first tend to defend against displaying emotion through
a mechanism called intellectualization. What you want to do is <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>slow down the
process of this person’s communication</b></span> so that the inner palette of emotional
nuance is discovered and gradually actualized.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">You can say at some point: “You know, it strikes me that
some of the deeper things inside you hold clues about what you really want and
need. Might I have your permission now and then to <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>reflect what seems like a
feeling</b></span>, to bring into our dialogue some of the emotional undertones of what
you’re saying?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Or, to someone who masks the flow of inner emotion through
the habitual use of indiscriminate phrases like, “I feel weird,” “It doesn’t
really matter,” and “That doesn’t really bother me,” you might say, “How about
we try to <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>flesh out more clearly some of what’s going on inside you</b></span>, so that
you can use these inner feelings as part of your decision-making process?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">You don’t need to overdo this by stereotypically asking,
“How do you feel about that?” It’s more that, among other things, you know the
value of raising the counselee’s emotional IQ, encouraging them to <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>trust,
discern, and integrate the emotions</b></span> they experience.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">For counselees who ooze feelings but are not in the habit
of examining and sorting them out, you take the opposite tack. You intervene in
the cascading waves of emotion by <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>asking thoughtful questions or making summary
statements</b></span>. You literally play the role of a cognitive neocortex for them until
they learn to think about their own feelings.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9QI7WAsnxOmp-EUu8QZEFsalUCtfLxXk7Wdqi1HizGOeWltVtZqOCo6PEMdD9la72VFZa2Z6-aAtAzPI37SZZ4bT3ja1oqd3Yv9hpGstaciTJ8uDPdrOXUu6s8atB5v5agPTIoQV5fNM/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9QI7WAsnxOmp-EUu8QZEFsalUCtfLxXk7Wdqi1HizGOeWltVtZqOCo6PEMdD9la72VFZa2Z6-aAtAzPI37SZZ4bT3ja1oqd3Yv9hpGstaciTJ8uDPdrOXUu6s8atB5v5agPTIoQV5fNM/s400/images-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A man strings together a flood of negative feelings about
his ex-wife. <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>You summarize</b></span>: “So from your view, Ellen had nothing going for her
except her constant demands for emotional intimacy from you.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">This in itself is
provocative, for it causes the man to <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>shift into a cognitive mindset</b></span> from which
he says, “Well, it’s not like she didn’t contribute anything. She did raise our
three kids because I was traveling so much. And she took care of the monthly
budget, since that isn’t my forte.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Now you’ve got him integrating thinking and
feeling, and though it may take some doing before he can cultivate this new
habit, at least he is gaining experience in slowing down his emotional flow
enough to <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>think about what he is experiencing</b></span>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">To
another such counselee you periodically say things like: “Let’s slow down a
moment and see <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>which one of your feelings is the most important right now</b></span>.”
“Can you elaborate on that for a moment?” Or, “What is your theory about why
you always get so mad when you are dealing with a salesperson?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv9Gcz6OIbz-MVDq2CiQjv9GaV70a5JykCX651I3yu4ubgxnRRVHUaIZ65sdRXAbeFhAcyN7QJG10j8p4iMMzjcLZfqAI4BV7NG3REKIU8iTuMBdtd_skiwQEdk5iPBpItjy3dPjyo3kE/s1600/images-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv9Gcz6OIbz-MVDq2CiQjv9GaV70a5JykCX651I3yu4ubgxnRRVHUaIZ65sdRXAbeFhAcyN7QJG10j8p4iMMzjcLZfqAI4BV7NG3REKIU8iTuMBdtd_skiwQEdk5iPBpItjy3dPjyo3kE/s1600/images-2.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"></span><span style="color: #ffd966;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">By
helping your counselees learn how to understand and modulate their feelings,
you are giving them the versatility a pianist shows when integrating the loud,
soft, and mute pedals in playing a piece of music. </span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-30867404349138156212012-12-15T17:23:00.003-08:002012-12-15T17:23:57.010-08:00First Contact with Counselee in Pastoral Counseling<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-1593833729 1073750107 16 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Let’s speculate a little, for the purpose of enhancing empathy
with counselees, about <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>what goes on within a person</b></span> before making a first
contact with a pastoral counselor. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQtoC6FOCUSkB5yMo6JRtO18NxgGsDeDQUBS4tcRxEkzrBBOlXWgX-TFW6rUe6_16VYhJL-T0BvUfw6WXlpMdce7kvl4bIeA9L-aw0t4HKg0E5QrLYYL4PLX-_G4A3ZFmVtaKOCbsgjoI/s1600/images-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQtoC6FOCUSkB5yMo6JRtO18NxgGsDeDQUBS4tcRxEkzrBBOlXWgX-TFW6rUe6_16VYhJL-T0BvUfw6WXlpMdce7kvl4bIeA9L-aw0t4HKg0E5QrLYYL4PLX-_G4A3ZFmVtaKOCbsgjoI/s400/images-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It’s awful when individuals feel bound up with a knotty
life problem that won’t go away and doesn’t get better, no matter what efforts
they make, no matter what advice they receive from trusted friends, the problem
even defying heartfelt prayer, a sense of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>helplessness</b></span> accruing alongside inner
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>anxiety</b></span>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It may be that a third <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>child</b></span>, unlike the first two who
were calm and sociable, climbs the walls day and night, paying no attention to
parental pleas or reprimands. Or it may be that <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>sexual issues</b></span> have come to
haunt the marriage bed. Or what about a person who has recurring <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>anxiety attacks</b></span>
and doesn’t know why?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Every counselee feels <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>anguish</b></span>. They would not contact you
if pain and perplexity didn’t compel them. And once they are resolved to reach
out, there is the added uncertainty about how you will respond to them.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpv40L4TGwipVWjPuSRBIfXY22ECciwE64HgBJsnu6gavlsDpbwPNAJleThRhimqF9DqHo5UJQYd_ou1r3YPo5_8O5CyRU96rp8w0TuyxzqRbUCXzz_QpLvr1RUeAzQ__N8Yq96Bm_BPg/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpv40L4TGwipVWjPuSRBIfXY22ECciwE64HgBJsnu6gavlsDpbwPNAJleThRhimqF9DqHo5UJQYd_ou1r3YPo5_8O5CyRU96rp8w0TuyxzqRbUCXzz_QpLvr1RUeAzQ__N8Yq96Bm_BPg/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Treatment fearfulness</b></span> is commonly underestimated by
counselors, but nevertheless acts as a genuine obstacle in seeking help.
Further, men especially may have some culturally determined resistance to
counseling because of the intimate sharing it requires. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Take heart, though.
Research shows that counselees have a greater probability of experiencing
healing in their area of need than do patients who seek a physician’s care.
And, generally speaking, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the more anxious and distressed people are when they
enter counseling, the more likely they will continue with it and the more
benefit they are apt to derive</b></span>. Keep in mind, too, that many people prefer
seeing a counselor who is sensitive to spiritual values over one who is secular-minded.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Fears and all, then, many hurting persons reach a point
where they decide to pursue pastoral counseling, mustering the courage to make
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>a first contact</b></span>. They may know you from church, hear of your work from someone
you’ve counseled, or find your site on the Internet. In their moment of
reaching out, a touch of hope stirs within them, a warranted hope, since <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>God is
encouraging them to make a counseling connection with you</b></span>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdohDJzn47wuPfbx4wjIVQ6AD7t2DWYQNSlNIVFxTYraUR9hYf7NLINUyFXz9s9lRBit871370_Y8QxASIiW-y-t4_b893k1bfZ_JoFClvj383p5MGPtLcM6Qiv-cG58hgDZU-KMGEtgI/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdohDJzn47wuPfbx4wjIVQ6AD7t2DWYQNSlNIVFxTYraUR9hYf7NLINUyFXz9s9lRBit871370_Y8QxASIiW-y-t4_b893k1bfZ_JoFClvj383p5MGPtLcM6Qiv-cG58hgDZU-KMGEtgI/s320/images-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Now, for our part, what goes on inside us to prepare for a
first session with a new counselee? As a Christian counselor, I am helped by <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>an open-ended
prayer conversation</b></span> that says to Jesus, “Please send me only those
individuals that in your providence you want me to see, and please guide us
from beginning to end.” This steadies my confidence in <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>God’s superintendence </b></span>of
my counseling practice, helping my unconscious to accept that Jesus Christ is
guiding people long before they see me, and will continue to help them long after
our counseling is over. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; letter-spacing: .1pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I want, as I'm sure you do, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>God’s multifaceted involvement</b></span> in my pastoral counseling practice. After all, Christ is the one who originally called me to
this profession!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-66849980911012942532012-12-09T12:33:00.001-08:002012-12-09T12:33:46.170-08:00Counselees as Heroes in Therapy<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Human beings have an existential need for visibility; that
is, recognition and validation that they are special and their lives matter.
When counselees feel stuck in problems they can’t find their way through, it
takes a toll on self-esteem. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Compass Therapy seeks to strengthen their
self-image, promoting redemptive hope by viewing them as uniquely heroic in
their efforts to overcome difficulty.</b></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Miguel was seeing me for help in solving a relationship
problem. He had been dating the same woman for five years, yet she was still
holding him at arms length whenever he mentioned marriage. In the first two
sessions I had learned that Miguel had experienced a fairly tempestuous
adolescence, including a good amount of fighting, cussing, and delinquency. He
and Monica attended the same church, but this didn’t stop his old behaviors
from <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>sabotaging his efforts at emotional intimacy</b></span>. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Now in the third session, Miguel says, “I just don’t get
it. Monica knows I love her. Why won’t she marry me?”</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I wonder if it has something to do with the way you
respond to her in conversations?”</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Well, she does say that I cut her off and don’t
understand her feelings. But it’s boring when she gets emotionally worked up. I
really don’t want to hear about it.</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">” </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“</span></span>So from your view she's always asking for more emotion that you're willing to give?</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">” (This is an emotional reflection designed to make sure Miguel feels that I empathize with his frustration, before expanding this thought to help mend his mind).</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"> </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcHV9-GwKoaQZj1QfDuGUQ4Wc8mYcIG0SV-jvVaBx6fa5O-5hhNqowEgvWiFBZ8z-Lk-Ny_MftqEOEK81N2U1n6xeqrA8JjtCkqpM6y54FSdXBOzwlZKwB706oipRmQbL83yWWipGtEgY/s1600/Relationship-Problems-3-Cropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="169" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcHV9-GwKoaQZj1QfDuGUQ4Wc8mYcIG0SV-jvVaBx6fa5O-5hhNqowEgvWiFBZ8z-Lk-Ny_MftqEOEK81N2U1n6xeqrA8JjtCkqpM6y54FSdXBOzwlZKwB706oipRmQbL83yWWipGtEgY/s320/Relationship-Problems-3-Cropped.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Exactly. She drives me crazy that way!”</span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I think I have a hypothesis about what’s going on. Would
you like to hear it?”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">(I’m now signaling to Miguel that we are changing to
another part of his human nature—his mind—and I’m doing so respectfully by
asking his permission).</span></span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Sure.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Well, from what you told me in our first session about
the pretty aggressive crowd you grew up with, and from your identifying with
the Arguer and Boaster personality patterns when you read the Self Compass
book, I think we can say that you might be showing hostility and rudeness to
her a lot more than you’ve realized.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Miguel laughs. “She’d agree with that. But verbal sparring
comes naturally to me. That’s how I make my living in sales. I always have an
answer before someone asks the question, and I totally control the
conversation. Isn’t that a good thing?”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“It’s a communication style that may work in business, but
not if your goal is man/woman love.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Why?”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“How about putting on your thinking cap and telling me?”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Miguel offers a sheepish grin. “Because I don’t pay
attention to what she’s saying?”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“And even more significantly, perhaps because you’re not
emotionally connected to her while she’s speaking.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Miguel sits back and sighs. “But I pride myself on being a
good communicator. All my friends say I can talk my way out of anything.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I think this is the crux of the difficulty. In that fast
crowd you grew up around, was it considered a strength to outsmart people with
comebacks and put-downs?”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Yeah. I always came out on top, too.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">(Now I administer more truth serum, knowing that if he
receives it, I can move toward framing him as a hero of his life’s narrative).</span></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHmIEeY72sHAJ0dK_l3MwnwXJ8h2CzkV1gZywhZgyYqoWZqFYsmgbDzQlO6DQ8erUSdzcO89yuZpS93XGUZKZTyc19azqTkzOR_F3pc8p5s0AN3oL8k7fbX7Xia63ajPDo3ITc8bWDwdI/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHmIEeY72sHAJ0dK_l3MwnwXJ8h2CzkV1gZywhZgyYqoWZqFYsmgbDzQlO6DQ8erUSdzcO89yuZpS93XGUZKZTyc19azqTkzOR_F3pc8p5s0AN3oL8k7fbX7Xia63ajPDo3ITc8bWDwdI/s1600/images-1.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"></span></span></b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“So as long as the conversations were focused on verbal
sparring and had a competitive edge, you were the best of the best. But when
you developed a man/woman relationship headed for marriage, everything stalled.
Is that right?”</span></span>
</div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Miguel takes another deep breath, his eyes glazing over in
thought. “I never thought of it like that before. I’ve always thought this
whole problem was Monica’s fault for not being tough enough to handle how I
talk to her.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I wonder if you’re on the verge of seeing that perhaps
your aggressive speech has inflicted her with a lot of emotional wounds; that
maybe she’s tried to tell you this but you turned a deaf ear.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Miguel tears up. “She’s used that exact word—wounded. I
never knew what she meant.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“What are you feeling right now?”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Miguel wipes away a tear. “I feel sorry for being hard on
her. Sorry, too, for never understanding her.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">(I wait for a few moments as he stares into space, sensing
that his mind is assimilating a new theory about his past behavior, and perhaps
finding fresh resolve to make attitudinal changes). </span></span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I’m experiencing admiration for you, Miguel, because many
individuals who have dished out harsh treatment to a partner aren’t willing to
acknowledge it. But here you’re not only admitting your aggressive
communication style, but also feeling empathy for how it’s impacted Monica.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I love her, Dr. Dan. I really do.” (His voice quavers
with the emotion behind his declaration).</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I feel the sincerity of your love. But it seems like your
aggression has the potential to destroy that love, at least on Monica’s part.
Would you give me permission to point out when I observe traces of this
aggressive trend in sessions, so you can become more aware of it?”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Absolutely. It’s so second nature I don’t know how to
change it. But I don’t want to hurt Monica any more.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Because?”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Because I want her to love and trust me.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">(I want to deepen the cognitive memory trace of his
statement and all it conveys).</span></span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Please say this again, even firmer.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">His eyes tear slightly once more. “I want Monica to trust
me because I start listening to her feelings.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">(Now I can place a new frame around Miguel’s life
narrative, a frame that encompasses the growth he seeks).</span></span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“So may we describe you as a man who has finally come to
face his combative ways? Who wants to transform his history as a tough-talking
teenager into an adult capable of love and respect for the woman he hopes to
marry?”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“That’s exactly right.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“How would you say this to Monica?</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I guess I would say, ‘Hey Babe, I’m really sorry for
bad-mouthing you so much. I know it’s not right. I want to treat you a lot
better.”</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“That’s a solid beginning, Miguel. That’s how an
aggressive guy can become a hero of love.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyyRweWwxLHWSsF5Fxb2uQ244S2k4088wrVikvDRq5vCxLc0d7mAEeNoRvqexODNzGC8urLwR-XoPfL6y7tT_wPzCDau5nl7sA7jWBodkUO9SPpMFwZehjZS7ovjleZwNUMRZ0-IblkOU/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyyRweWwxLHWSsF5Fxb2uQ244S2k4088wrVikvDRq5vCxLc0d7mAEeNoRvqexODNzGC8urLwR-XoPfL6y7tT_wPzCDau5nl7sA7jWBodkUO9SPpMFwZehjZS7ovjleZwNUMRZ0-IblkOU/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"></span></span><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">It is very worthwhile to build a warm human bond where curiosity
and fascination enliven the counseling process, inviting counselees to join in
the adventure of human growth.</span></span></b></span><br />
<br />
<br />
</div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-50811793283548103652012-12-02T15:01:00.000-08:002012-12-02T15:01:00.173-08:00Helping People Experience God's Love<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have helped many people yield to God's love.</span></b></span> <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It isn't nearly as complicated as you might think. The two factors that have to be overcome include fear of the unknown and lack of knowledge about how much God desires to manifest himself in our lives.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsAzRvaACiPt8oTsop_RnMBlvQSOSybXxI_-qATU7KO0xunLuP_DtXMOHcI1LOwEEQJ0bkinsTelMkuB5QsHVv9m3kow7bAEFIhWYqr2sPRzEv2SNMpMzCtdRDijNacOwlau-LuJvCIRw/s1600/images-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsAzRvaACiPt8oTsop_RnMBlvQSOSybXxI_-qATU7KO0xunLuP_DtXMOHcI1LOwEEQJ0bkinsTelMkuB5QsHVv9m3kow7bAEFIhWYqr2sPRzEv2SNMpMzCtdRDijNacOwlau-LuJvCIRw/s320/images-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I remember as a young boy I went to bed at night feeling deeply frightened after turning out the lights. I would see creepy shadows on the wall formed by streetlights, and imagine all types of weird monsters in the closet or under my bed. Finally my mother suggested a solution. She brought a black Bible into my room and laid it on my nightstand. "Here Dan," she said. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>"Now you know that God will be here with you in your room."</b></span> Her technique and confidence, along with my new feeling of God's assurance won the day.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrb_f8sACGlH7MH7jvTOTy3-jRf5v0iKrg92qjRJGzmK834OoYaS9NSF-Hrd2zb12YtNPaZQAve-KNZ_7p_XZ8T5pkq2UfQ6rOLngWJFAqxc-n9W_kYdgFZYUQI_1wVoS9kaqBRyFa4DI/s1600/BibleTable.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrb_f8sACGlH7MH7jvTOTy3-jRf5v0iKrg92qjRJGzmK834OoYaS9NSF-Hrd2zb12YtNPaZQAve-KNZ_7p_XZ8T5pkq2UfQ6rOLngWJFAqxc-n9W_kYdgFZYUQI_1wVoS9kaqBRyFa4DI/s320/BibleTable.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>As a pastoral counselor you have countless opportunities to assure people of God's love for them.</b></span> You can say, "God is going to help you through this current crisis because we are trusting in Him." Or, "I wonder what creative way the Lord will use to help you out this week."</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">When people express fear at the prospect of feeling God's presence, it is often because they connect it with ghost stories or the loss of control to an invisible force. Here is where people need to realize that <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>in Jesus we see the face and hear the voice of Almighty God</b></span>. From a child born in a manger, we hear the Lord of Creation speaking to us, usually gently through the voice of the Holy Spirit, about how we are to live and what we are to believe. Understanding that Christ is resurrected and that it's perfectly normal to hear his voice really helps people relax and recognize the Good Shepherd when He guides them.</span></div>
<br /><div style="text-align: justify;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNnWyjV2494WhPipeEfx0t3PsrZ4KfGL4Y3hLbGjd6xrwtiuJj6tyQFUcIxVNg8aodG1_SBCenv6EL5bUKvQjvcjEZI6m3yQ_4xRx8UNbBHtecQrV42daBuP66B20JBKxiv0-LS7ZZ0q0/s1600/th.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNnWyjV2494WhPipeEfx0t3PsrZ4KfGL4Y3hLbGjd6xrwtiuJj6tyQFUcIxVNg8aodG1_SBCenv6EL5bUKvQjvcjEZI6m3yQ_4xRx8UNbBHtecQrV42daBuP66B20JBKxiv0-LS7ZZ0q0/s1600/th.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If a person still doesn't feel comfortable with God, you may need to probe for areas of willful sin, where they are not really surrendering their lives to him, or where they are disobeying what Scripture teaches. A woman revealed to me in pastoral counseling something she had never told anyone: that a local physician had her visit his home each month to handle his sexual needs. For this he helped her out with her monthly condo payment. She had been benefiting from this arrangement for a year, and at first seemed shocked when I reframed it as prostitution. This went against her self-image as a very moral person in other regards. It took her a couple of months to part ways with the doctor, but <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>a new peace of Christ came into her heart when she made the break</b></span>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Once you have helped a person deal with their reservations about growing in Jesus Christ, this opens up many opportunities for a closer walk with God.</span> <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Since the Holy Spirit now lives within them, they can talk to God as they would a best friend, any time day or night. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>They can approach God boldly, </b></span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>as His much loved sons and daughters.</b></span> </span>"</span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span class="text Heb-4-16" id="en-NIV-30031">Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" (Heb 4:16).</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">One day when <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>President John Kennedy</b></span> was in the Oval Office, a White House photographer caught little <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Jon-Jon</b></span>, his three year old son, peeking out from under the desk, where he had been happily playing during a high level meeting.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjEHkAL3KNPf3qeM2yOFN-7weVikivhzn79e95A3izRsJWJEmTkqUJlngjHWqq8qnm59a1Y4fQYHesriEYio4fbx0WZyEugXflyWjUxEB4x-9dZpGnS6_7zwT3uKmtK2wBxwKR52JyPh4/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjEHkAL3KNPf3qeM2yOFN-7weVikivhzn79e95A3izRsJWJEmTkqUJlngjHWqq8qnm59a1Y4fQYHesriEYio4fbx0WZyEugXflyWjUxEB4x-9dZpGnS6_7zwT3uKmtK2wBxwKR52JyPh4/s320/images.jpg" width="280" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But Kennedy acted like our Heavenly Father acts, making room for Jon-Jon in his affairs of state. God loves us even more intensely. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>The Lord is never too busy to comfort us or give us a spiritual hug in the middle of the day.</b></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Here are Scriptures that work well in pastoral counseling to drive this reality home:</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord</b></span>" (Romans 8:39).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>May you experience the love of Christ</b></span>, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God" (Ephesians 3:19).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>love</b></span>, and self-discipline" (2 Timothy 1:7). </span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Most of all, persons in pastoral counseling learn from you, the pastoral counselor, that God is really there, and that He loves them as you love them.</span></b></span><br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-84587598822440165472012-11-25T11:32:00.001-08:002012-11-25T11:32:39.073-08:00The Holy Trinity and Pastoral Counseling<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Verdana;
panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Cambria;
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1073743103 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
p.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, li.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE, div.COMPASSBOOKSTYLE
{mso-style-name:"COMPASS BOOK STYLE";
mso-style-unhide:no;
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
text-align:justify;
text-justify:inter-ideograph;
text-indent:.25in;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style> <br />
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>For centuries Christianity didn’t know quite what to do with the
Trinity</b></span>, other than mention the Trinity during congregational recitation of
orthodox creeds or at baptism.</span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmtmBbhG1mB6ah0xZH_Ht15XpbOWUjgJ84IkzL5wnHwZwiUKA3DOTHS2TMfdFO7JtAmte4pSp6IOTUb6dkOHtFs_aUicsTQtqkwUGkG-vkgiIkzhM_1Qv-cgP5QW7F0l6Lfzld-0ZEx6Q/s1600/Trinity2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmtmBbhG1mB6ah0xZH_Ht15XpbOWUjgJ84IkzL5wnHwZwiUKA3DOTHS2TMfdFO7JtAmte4pSp6IOTUb6dkOHtFs_aUicsTQtqkwUGkG-vkgiIkzhM_1Qv-cgP5QW7F0l6Lfzld-0ZEx6Q/s320/Trinity2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">But in light of what we have learned in the study of interpersonal
psychology, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>we can now grasp that the Trinity is actually the ontological
foundation of human personhood and interpersonal relationships</b></span>. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The Father,
Son, and Holy Spirit are three Persons in one God who actualize their love
through mutual indwelling, and who invite human beings to share in this
Trinitarian intimacy. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Compass Therapy is built on a Trinitarian platform that supports
the connections between individual personhood and interpersonal
relationships.</b> </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizFROXhmigGMQ3LUtWRea5qbIGATMKvVHV1ViXkLx6H39OjY1LQPcpnVvgvGv_7jcipdizuHFnvUlp9RoDM7vIZjgvXEghwHXwddobxfhHLhngA-qqZC4rYInt5bPzsqniKNKfOji0slk/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="274" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizFROXhmigGMQ3LUtWRea5qbIGATMKvVHV1ViXkLx6H39OjY1LQPcpnVvgvGv_7jcipdizuHFnvUlp9RoDM7vIZjgvXEghwHXwddobxfhHLhngA-qqZC4rYInt5bPzsqniKNKfOji0slk/s320/images.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">The Compass approach to pastoral counseling invites the Trinity’s
participation in the counseling process. This can take the form of prayers for
counselee blessing, trust in divine guidance during sessions, and response to
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the Father’s desire to fashion counselees into the image of Christ by the power of
the Holy Spirit</b></span>. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">In Compass Therapy wisdom from the Word of God joins empirical research
from behavioral science to create a unified field theory of psychospiritual
growth and fulfillment. This opens the door for our counselees to experience personality integration that
encompasses reason and faith, the natural and supernatural. </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana;">When we call upon God in faith, Compass Therapy affirms, the Trinity empowers pastoral counseling—healing and guiding our counselees to the
glory of God.</span></b></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Here is my prayer of blessing for our continued ministry in pastoral counseling work: </span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">“Dear heavenly <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Father</b></span>, thank you for calling us to the field of
pastoral care and counseling. Empower us with the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Holy Spirit</b></span> that we might
contribute hope and healing in both church and community. Help us
wisely blend Scripture and science in ways that accomplish your purposes. Thanks for loving help. In the
name of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Jesus</b></span>, Amen.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"> </span> </blockquote>
<br />Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-90714488208635418462012-11-19T14:01:00.001-08:002012-11-19T14:01:59.457-08:00Assemblies of God Seminary Professors Praise Dr. Dan Montgomery Books<br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b>ASSEMBLIES OF GOD THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY </b></i></span></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b><i><b>REV. MELODY D. PALM, PSY.D., PROFESSOR</b></i></b></i></span></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b><i><b>DIRECTOR OF PSYCHOLOGY AND COUNSELING</b></i></b></i></span></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b><i><b> </b></i></b></i></span></span></span></h2>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirjmEh92CNDZyE4ATk4dUSES0IEjO1tXz0iu482Tx7-eS8jfm9IWnf3elqt4aVbi-JohRPsu_eAwYgqL83Q7VLMUvhKU7R7YQXQZkVaikh6o9xo2-E0b6u_ilwIlghmBSP-MXcCaSH6ec/s1600/palm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirjmEh92CNDZyE4ATk4dUSES0IEjO1tXz0iu482Tx7-eS8jfm9IWnf3elqt4aVbi-JohRPsu_eAwYgqL83Q7VLMUvhKU7R7YQXQZkVaikh6o9xo2-E0b6u_ilwIlghmBSP-MXcCaSH6ec/s320/palm.jpg" width="305" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“The <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>Church of the 21st century</b></span> desperately needs pastors and pastoral
counselors who are psychologically educated and spiritually discerning
to address the complex emotional and psychological needs of today's
congregants. </span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“As a practicing psychologist and seminary professor
training men and women for ministry <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>I have found Dr. Dan Montgomery's work
beneficial and practical</b></span>. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“In his latest book,<span style="color: #ffd966;"><u><b> <i>Pastoral Counseling & Coaching</i></b></u></span>, Dr. Montgomery provides pastors with both <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>a biblically-based and
psychologically sound perspective on human growth and behavior</b></span>, as well
as practical techniques for effective therapeutic intervention. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Readers
will find case studies, visual models, and excellent resources. This is
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>definitely a book which will help pastors and pastoral counselors</b></span> find
more satisfaction in pastoral counseling. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“I commend Dr. Montgomery for his contribution to the field of pastoral
counseling and <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>highly recommend his Compass Therapy Model</b></span> as a framework
for a pastoral care ministry.” </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <b>__________________________________________</b></span></span></div>
</div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b> </b></i></span></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b>SOUTHEASTERN UNIVERSITY</b></i></span></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b>REV. ROBERT C. CROSBY, D.MIN. </b></i></span></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b>PROFESSOR OF PRACTICAL THEOLOGY</b></i></span></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><i><b> </b></i></span></span></span></h2>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx4lCNB135W6upw9gegSXQjlLHZR80syW7I0-negwCIydJ-JFCjBffszIYoYmMRngwwQSgqdYxVtYxHBqwrZAPiu7AYFkbHXaASqB1e_YLtrMHSpAjT-I8dTnMVGPskWWKCSaVbDrgGRQ/s1600/rcrosby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx4lCNB135W6upw9gegSXQjlLHZR80syW7I0-negwCIydJ-JFCjBffszIYoYmMRngwwQSgqdYxVtYxHBqwrZAPiu7AYFkbHXaASqB1e_YLtrMHSpAjT-I8dTnMVGPskWWKCSaVbDrgGRQ/s400/rcrosby.jpg" width="327" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“I continue to enjoy using <b><u><span style="color: #ffd966;"><i>Christian Counseling That Really Works</i></span></u><i> </i></b>and the Self Compass Model and tools in all my Pastoral Counseling classes. <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>It is such a lively and engaging synthesis of biblical and counseling insights</b></span>. I'm confident a harvest of young pastoral counselors are going to find these books helpful in the fields of ministry.” </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> <b>__________________________________________</b></span></span></div>
</div>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b> </b></span></i></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>SOUTHWESTERN AG UNIVERSITY </b></span></i></span></span></h2>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>JEFF LOGUE, Ph.D., PROFESSOR</b></span></i></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR</b></span></i></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>COORDINATOR OF COUNSELING MINISTRIES</b></span></i></span></span></h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b> </b></span></i></span></span></h2>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKkMgJ3GupnxhTtdeNQDqGUH9gIbcQIj6zwKO3tZ3EoKfcA3tjM20ueQ1xGNpLyy4lBbGMZciTYZLdE2NcrQURXIlL56hr1Z4EgPurInWWd-7CeJhw4ZnpgcEAxt2SO0yeSmkZD6VnFK8/s1600/jlogue.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKkMgJ3GupnxhTtdeNQDqGUH9gIbcQIj6zwKO3tZ3EoKfcA3tjM20ueQ1xGNpLyy4lBbGMZciTYZLdE2NcrQURXIlL56hr1Z4EgPurInWWd-7CeJhw4ZnpgcEAxt2SO0yeSmkZD6VnFK8/s320/jlogue.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“<u><b><span style="color: #ffd966;"><i>Pastoral Counseling and Coaching</i></span></b></u> is a comprehensive approach to pastoral counseling. <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>Dan Montgomery's text is a priceless resource</b></span> for students, pastors and professionals in the field.” </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">________________________________________ </span></span></b></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/PASTORAL-COUNSELING-COACHING-Compass-Churches/dp/0557194873/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261890261&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><i><b>Pastoral Counseling and Coaching: Compass Therapy in Churches </b></i></a></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfdmu0IeGQXIHj_waISqNDQlb3qU3r-MBhBzOcsVDgCzolgQ765_iqBtYXap-PSOP7hbZ5tVNppFeyWYMGxRTU3xNKgJXS_e5he_2vY7kCF13eOwWpqJgF4lSBey7eRXEm9VqtsyR75WM/s1600/PASTORAL-SILVER-300X200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfdmu0IeGQXIHj_waISqNDQlb3qU3r-MBhBzOcsVDgCzolgQ765_iqBtYXap-PSOP7hbZ5tVNppFeyWYMGxRTU3xNKgJXS_e5he_2vY7kCF13eOwWpqJgF4lSBey7eRXEm9VqtsyR75WM/s1600/PASTORAL-SILVER-300X200.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-67326856080083597352012-11-13T13:35:00.001-08:002012-11-13T13:35:27.509-08:00Emotional Healing in Pastoral Counseling<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Working constructively with emotions is crucial to success
in pastoral counseling because feelings are the energy of personality.</b></span> They are
literally like an artist’s color palette, from which the artist loads his brush
to give life, hue, and nuance to a painting. If the artist keeps rinsing the
brush between applications, the color will remain vivid and true. But if the
artist doesn’t regularly clean the brush, paint from former brush strokes will
accrue and turn the new applications muddy and dark.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7PeJVccyDwelQGr-5FENvSZTkN7-HxLgHFn78Ot0wK0_z_VbNs0su0tghGnDaRwH3KeveE1Ueju1PTu4atmE1Re7kN141eB2IIpIRvQBjcaAAy2DJIwKAz2uZhYyP12n0XG4jDSY162E/s1600/ArtistsPalette.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7PeJVccyDwelQGr-5FENvSZTkN7-HxLgHFn78Ot0wK0_z_VbNs0su0tghGnDaRwH3KeveE1Ueju1PTu4atmE1Re7kN141eB2IIpIRvQBjcaAAy2DJIwKAz2uZhYyP12n0XG4jDSY162E/s320/ArtistsPalette.jpg" width="274" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">So it is with feelings. During the course of counseling,
from first to last session, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>you are seeking to offer the counselee ways to
experience and express emotions that contribute to healthy living</b></span>, and keep the
heart cleansed from clogged-up feelings that would otherwise contaminate the
canvas of perception.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">What
is the nature of clogged-up emotions? Human emotions
are meant to flow through the body much like water down a river. Sometimes
there is a lot of emotion and sometimes there is only a trickle, but what’s
important here is that emotions are transitory psycho-physiological events
involving the mid-brain and lower brain stem, but not the neocortex. <b><span style="color: #ffe599;">In a word,
emotions feel but don’t think.</span></b> They reflect the more instinctual, subjective
part of perception, the gut reaction to what’s going on between the environment
and the organism in the here and now.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">What,
then, is the purpose of a feeling? The purpose is to discriminate between
liking and disliking, needing and not needing, wanting and not wanting, coping
and not coping. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Feelings tell people about their own spontaneous interests, preferences,
needs, and desires.</b></span> Once a feeling has served its purpose, it recedes into the
background of awareness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Compass
Therapy utilizes the catchall word <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>“Heart”</b></span> to point toward those inner states
that most people experience as emanating from the area of the heart, stomach,
and bowels. The Old Testament is full of anthropomorphic
references to internal body organs that offer metaphors for how both God and
people experience emotion.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Counselees
understand immediately when you talk about matters of the heart. When you ask
what<span style="letter-spacing: .1pt;"> a counselee is feeling, the person
understands that you are inquiring about <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the most subjective, emotionally
colored, and private part of their perception</b></span>, a part oftentimes so private
they can’t find words to express it or even know they are feeling it. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2xPBlck8erie9yoR2sCBXIfVlwvCV5P-ZDWFl0wn4lBouocADJKckzKf3xeC4S0hTEaSMiBOs0pMcU9Ul3DJtSd37KlxH1l4PRpliF-vhvh4tfGXD8KHeloWNa6I-YNJCaOWhD4AMf2s/s1600/EMotions.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2xPBlck8erie9yoR2sCBXIfVlwvCV5P-ZDWFl0wn4lBouocADJKckzKf3xeC4S0hTEaSMiBOs0pMcU9Ul3DJtSd37KlxH1l4PRpliF-vhvh4tfGXD8KHeloWNa6I-YNJCaOWhD4AMf2s/s320/EMotions.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Now here’s the secret of facilitating the awareness and
discrimination of emotions in counselees. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Don’t judge them!</b></span> Remember that
feelings are transitory physiological processes that need recognition and
integration into the personality, not repression and exile to the unconscious.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Thus when a six-year-old boy says he feels like killing
his older sister when she twists his wrist, he is experiencing anger and trying
to express it so that the feeling will pass through him and dissipate. You
don’t forbid him to ever speak this way again, but rather seek to <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>expand his
metaphors until he comes up with a more diplomatic expression of anger</b></span>.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Your purpose entails expanding inner emotional states, so
that counselees can become more comfortable with emotions in general, and more
interested in understanding and defining them. </span></span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Feeling and thinking can
interact rhythmically here, the feeling providing the raw material of direct
experience, the thinking providing an analysis of explanatory causes and
effects that pertain to the feeling. By repeatedly helping counselees to slow
down their communication enough to feel an emotion cleanly, label it
accurately, and consider how best to express it, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>you are healing their emotions </b></span>and knitting their personalities together.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">This principle is so important that if you primarily listen
to people’s feelings and help to clarify and transform them into meaningful
expressions, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>you will heal a good many people</b></span>. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">For case studies that connect emotional healing with treatment plans, see:</span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"><i><b> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Compass-Therapy-Christian-Psychology-Action/dp/0557022886/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261293602&sr=1-1" target="_blank">COMPASS THERAPY: CHRISTIAN PSYCHOLOGY IN ACTION</a></b></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWNXCtvJrdj-TBq9fRboP6sni4qcpRPCN7_m1scHYpVWf_x_IDKq5uzL4VwWL6i95Ym5yZ7yfTKIMRG200j2I2UsAXXKRE8tuN4a338qK_XKKt4scl0gLX4FNsG1hT5x9kNbzZWGxYGD4/s1600/Compass+Therapy1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWNXCtvJrdj-TBq9fRboP6sni4qcpRPCN7_m1scHYpVWf_x_IDKq5uzL4VwWL6i95Ym5yZ7yfTKIMRG200j2I2UsAXXKRE8tuN4a338qK_XKKt4scl0gLX4FNsG1hT5x9kNbzZWGxYGD4/s320/Compass+Therapy1.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-1933645612395231442012-11-05T11:16:00.002-08:002012-11-05T11:16:42.250-08:00Helping People to Use Their Minds<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"Cambria Math";
panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-536870145 1107305727 0 0 415 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"Century Schoolbook";
panose-1:2 4 6 4 5 5 5 2 3 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
@page WordSection1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;
mso-header-margin:.5in;
mso-footer-margin:.5in;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">Let’s focus on <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>how to engage, heal, and integrate the
mind in pastoral counseling</b></span>, with its valuable assets of analyzing data, storing what is learned, and
estimating probable consequences of certain decisions.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"><span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>Most people use their minds without thinking about the
mind they are using</b></span>. They have thoughts without examining these thoughts. They
live out beliefs and expectations that were programmed into their psyche somewhere
along life’s way, but have not updated these mental assumptions to their
current circumstances or the evolving goals that new life challenges bring.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhebs6hdZ2_8XM9Jejhi_nkX35qg0Yy1KbEbALsNh7dre46xMW7b-ChsPs6NAqHxKv2xKomd5V7ljtM60l-X8XcBvWvbgcMTR9Q4sIRZZYH3bjIJ-2H1pEIPgKZmZqNNM8LOFn7EaPmoHo/s1600/Thinking+Mind.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhebs6hdZ2_8XM9Jejhi_nkX35qg0Yy1KbEbALsNh7dre46xMW7b-ChsPs6NAqHxKv2xKomd5V7ljtM60l-X8XcBvWvbgcMTR9Q4sIRZZYH3bjIJ-2H1pEIPgKZmZqNNM8LOFn7EaPmoHo/s1600/Thinking+Mind.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">A thirty-year-old man reveals to you that he had <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>three
major goals</b></span> when he was twenty: work hard and make money; have fun letting off
steam with the boys at the local bar; and get married.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">By the second session, precisely because you’ve been
concentrating on his story and <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>looking for how he has engaged his mind</b></span> in
lifespan development, you realize that he did indeed achieve all three original
goals, but because he never integrated them with new information concerning how
to love and care for his wife, she has ended up alone in the marriage for ten
years, and that is why she’s left him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">You present this as a tentative hypothesis, something you
are modeling for him to learn to do, in this fashion:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Bob, from what you shared, it sounds like your company
thinks you’re the best worker they’ve got, and your buddies have a ball with
you when you all get hammered. Now I know you are absolutely heartbroken that
Tanya has left you, and you want to do anything possible to get her back. But
it seems to me that <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>without revising your assumptions</b></span> about life and really
changing your thinking about marriage, even if she came back on a Friday she’d
be gone again on Monday.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I guess <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>you just pretty much hit the nail on the head</b></span>. I
was raised with five older sisters and a mom who doted on me. I guess I never
learned to pay attention to anybody’s needs but mine.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I think that’s part of it, Bob. But here’s the fascinating
thing. You’re only boring when you’re at home with Tanya. The rest of the time
people think you’re a livewire who can be totally depended upon to come through
with what they need.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“That’s true enough. Everybody but Tanya thinks I’m a
great guy.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Well, <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>I have a suggestion for you</b></span>. I believe you have it
in you to take that same emotional gusto, friendly smile, and sincere loyalty
that you’ve been giving your guy pals all these years and transfer a portion of
it Tanya’s way. You know, like taking funds out of one account that has abundant
cash and depositing them in another account that’s overdrawn. If you can just
remember to keep doing that, then the emotional satisfaction level of both
accounts will do fine. <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>Now, how would you put this in your own words?</b></span>”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">(In this way, you’ve introduced Bob to a new theory of why
his marriage has failed, a new way to understand how his past is connected to
his present and future, and an innovative idea for making new decisions that
can develop more satisfying outcomes. But it is very important after a mental exchange
like this, especially when the stakes are so high, that <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>you create room for Bob
to find his own way of construing the information</b></span>, developing his own
cognitive-linguistic pathways for expressing these insights, thereby converting
them from short-term intuitions to permanent memory).</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Well, I guess it’s that I didn’t want to get over being a
spoiled kid when I became an adult. And I did know how to work and play. So
when my friends started getting married, I figured I’d do that too. <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>It never
occurred to me that I needed to make changes in my thinking</b></span>.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“That’s an excellent analysis of the problem. Do
you see a solution?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I think the main problem is that <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>I always thought</b></span> women
came from outer space, that they had their own needs that didn’t make any sense
to me. But from what you’re saying, Tanya may be a lot like my buddies, and
that if I can learn to treat her with the same respect and attention I give them,
she’ll find out I’m not so bad after all.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“I believe you’ve developed a solid plan here, Bob. I know
it’s not going to be easy, but I want you to <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>keep thinking like this, and
trying out some new attitudes and behaviors toward Tanya</b></span>, without expecting her
to change her mind overnight. Let’s work together to keep you on track until
treating her with love and sensitivity becomes your new track record in this
relationship. May I say a prayer of blessing to close the session?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">“Please do.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMgVXwINkhEE7jUbi0aH_O7KjtkdMo_tjuR5Wjm1MTaYLJuxpvsalRTh3M5XJpR_K0CMufiYPZbEGtqWbhrF1-SQsDvd4TIHqw6v8tiRQCQ9ytgBxx3DNKdTq6lQlvQ1pHvYihgfsfml4/s1600/Prayer+Hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="197" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMgVXwINkhEE7jUbi0aH_O7KjtkdMo_tjuR5Wjm1MTaYLJuxpvsalRTh3M5XJpR_K0CMufiYPZbEGtqWbhrF1-SQsDvd4TIHqw6v8tiRQCQ9ytgBxx3DNKdTq6lQlvQ1pHvYihgfsfml4/s200/Prayer+Hands.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">In this example you utilized pastoral counseling to reveal
informational deficiencies in the counselee’s mind, and <span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>to supply updated
principles that the counselee translated into his own mental framework</b></span>,
principles that forge links in developmental growth that will not only mend his
mind, but also bring more of his whole human nature to the relationship with
his estranged wife.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"><span style="color: #ffd966;"><b>The Compass Therapy approach to pastoral counseling
specializes in integrating polar opposites, transforming them into rhythmic
wholes.</b></span> This brings up a paradox in pastoral counseling: you pass judgment
while also expressing empathy; you analyze your counselee’s mental functioning,
including scrutinizing the content of ideas, beliefs, and expectations, while
at the same time maintaining emotional rapport; and above all, you keep an open
mind while having your own values.</span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;">For more about using Compass Therapy, see:</span></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Counseling-That-Really-Works/dp/1411687531/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_b/104-2437830-5537531" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.1pt;"><i><b>CHRISTIAN COUNSELING THAT REALLY WORKS </b></i></span></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH7b4_f29DtcKcxt5eQpNOkOMNpQyOOh7B5v1Pg14frMb7U7o1gEeU6l3ASUbKsvs5b-WidIZi_XPfqZzJ8T_GyH-GA2KDpIFDuezQccO0kJnHiv0FSNyfmnnWHZqT_8E4PrKOJuYGh7k/s1600/COUNSELING-FRONT-SILVER.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH7b4_f29DtcKcxt5eQpNOkOMNpQyOOh7B5v1Pg14frMb7U7o1gEeU6l3ASUbKsvs5b-WidIZi_XPfqZzJ8T_GyH-GA2KDpIFDuezQccO0kJnHiv0FSNyfmnnWHZqT_8E4PrKOJuYGh7k/s320/COUNSELING-FRONT-SILVER.jpg" width="215" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: none; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6640985419879741743.post-39439168794275472342012-10-28T09:15:00.001-07:002012-10-28T09:15:43.402-07:00Healing Through The Human Nature Compass<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The work of pastoral counseling shares elements of reconciling people
to themselves, others, and God; imparting skill-sets for living effectively,
and blessing them with good will and compassionate understanding. In the context of
the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Human Nature Compass</b></span>, this therapeutic healing stimulates <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>spiritual growth</b></span>
in counselees, in rhythm with <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>cognitive clarification</b></span>, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>emotional modulation</b></span>,
and <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>physical relaxation</b></span>. </span></span></div>
<div class="ChapSubhead" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="ChapSubhead" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">MIND </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Thinking is a cognitive event that occurs in the frontal lobe of the
cerebral cortex</b></span>. Persons can think thoughts with or without emotion or
movement. In 1902 Auguste Rodin created a sculpture titled, “The Thinker.” By
reading the body language, you can tell that the man is pensively meditating
about some inner struggle.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmOhQizKSDNpoHWJCjwc98LbY0MeEteuEsDSzTFidcgUDOh-TnTiWNk4LhLPCkgGjl1Fq87NMD3w6qI-SaFQAp4AUSwRujTIZIBk-xl3ejQU-q5VthnUhPqSUsze7uF_PnbgoYjY9E89Q/s1600/Thinker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmOhQizKSDNpoHWJCjwc98LbY0MeEteuEsDSzTFidcgUDOh-TnTiWNk4LhLPCkgGjl1Fq87NMD3w6qI-SaFQAp4AUSwRujTIZIBk-xl3ejQU-q5VthnUhPqSUsze7uF_PnbgoYjY9E89Q/s320/Thinker.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">This is how counselees look when they are <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>inwardly absorbed</b></span>, trying to
sort out what to tell you. They’re not sure what is relevant to the current
problem and what isn’t. That is why Freud developed the psychoanalytic dictum,
“Say everything that comes into your mind, without censoring anything.” Beyond
struggling to know what to disclose, counselees usually want to keep up a good
front to convince us that they are, after all, good and capable human beings,
despite their needs and vulnerabilities. </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The pastoral counselor’s mind is also at work, in the form of <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>providing
new knowledge</b></span>, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>suggesting interpretations</b></span> for the counselee’s consideration,
<span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>offering perspective</b></span> on a problem, and <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>developing periodic summaries</b></span> that state
what has been covered and what lies ahead. </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Additionally, your counselee is thinking between sessions about how to
apply new insights toward the solving of current problems. <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>How well counselees
can analytically reflect on their therapeutic experience defines the quality of
their participation, and may well be the single most influential factor for a
positive outcome in counseling</b></span>.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="ChapSubhead" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">HEART</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Feelings reflect arousal of the limbic system deep inside the brain</b></span>.
Feelings possess psychological, physiological, and even spiritual dimensions.
Part of effective counseling is helping people recognize when they are having a
feeling, and learn to label it accurately. </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Some perennial emotions that may need sorting out</b></span> include the range
between feeling joyful and sad, hopeful and despairing, elated and depressed,
loving and angry, excited and numb, secure and anxious, confident and guilty,
trusting and jealous, appreciative and resentful, serene and frustrated,
interested and bored, intrigued and repulsed, ecstatic and agonized, proud and
ashamed, reassured and terrified, or caring and indifferent.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">E-motions represent physiological energy that is “in motion.” <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>Emotions
express the energy of personality</b></span> and are always changing, like the flow of
water in a river. It is when some inner conflict has dammed up the flow of
feelings like a beaver dam that persons become mired in anxiety or depression.
This accounts for the unconscious pressure that floods out in cathartic
expression when the beaver dam is therapeutically removed.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8kjG43aFS1WdhDKgHU4OZgLEKp5CQT_cSzyOVFzky2_NpcCAz8rEUv8TEJjjmCMnzWueF3uy_hBN8lyJ02EVpk6Xg9dfbsNX0ury9ibHpvASbOU3dxqz1tr07vAXpAlZShBjLJTCS-D0/s1600/Beaver+dam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8kjG43aFS1WdhDKgHU4OZgLEKp5CQT_cSzyOVFzky2_NpcCAz8rEUv8TEJjjmCMnzWueF3uy_hBN8lyJ02EVpk6Xg9dfbsNX0ury9ibHpvASbOU3dxqz1tr07vAXpAlZShBjLJTCS-D0/s320/Beaver+dam.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">In order to develop a healthy personality and fulfilling relationships,
all counselees need practice not only in <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>identifying their feelings</b></span>, but also
in <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>thinking about them constructively</b></span>, and <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>expressing them diplomatically</b></span> to
others and to God.</span></span></div>
<div class="ChapSubhead">
<br /></div>
<div class="ChapSubhead" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">BODY</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">The field of physiological psychology reveals that there are two different
nervous systems in every person. The first is <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the central nervous system</b></span> (CNS),
which allows a person to stand up and walk, drink a glass of water, or open and
close a door. The central nervous system connects skeleton with muscle, and is
innervated through the sensorimotor band across the top of the cerebral cortex.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><b>The second nervous system, though less conspicuous, is by far the most
important one in counseling</b>. This is the <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>autonomic or “automatic” nervous
system</b></span> (ANS) where respiration, circulation, digestion, elimination, and
systemic regulation occur, as well as the daily maintenance of every cell in
the body. The ANS can be influenced in dramatic ways. For instance, a professor
walks into her class and announces that she’s giving a surprise pop quiz that
will account for one-fifth of the semester grade. Within microseconds, blood
pressure shoots up, pulses quicken, hands clench, and a few students
practically stop breathing.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">It works the same in counseling, only you can use the ANS for beneficial
results. With a few well-chosen words, or even a purposeful shift in your body
language, you can easily influence your counselee’s attitude and bodily state.
This week when a counselee starts manifesting anxiety, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>try relaxing your own
body by letting your voice have resonance and breathing from your diaphragm,
slowly and easily</b></span>. Remember to let your hands
melt into your lap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watch how, before long, your counselee begins to relax, since you are
giving such strong environmental signals that everything is okay. What is
happening is that the direct communication of your “at-ease” body language
becomes an unconscious suggestion that your counselee’s ANS translates into a
physiological relaxation response.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYe6xODLn_D9gZYTS-JLbUPhyjZNOoyGLUOUc-zYscYcfg3q_yhMPdmlRXL4ACyi4ho-TqLrhcSbstINma4PBmzEWZiMREz9wPqJyIRgcSx1K1xtZ2431X74w8k9Vof477e5rw-oFl-wU/s1600/Relaxed+Hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYe6xODLn_D9gZYTS-JLbUPhyjZNOoyGLUOUc-zYscYcfg3q_yhMPdmlRXL4ACyi4ho-TqLrhcSbstINma4PBmzEWZiMREz9wPqJyIRgcSx1K1xtZ2431X74w8k9Vof477e5rw-oFl-wU/s1600/Relaxed+Hands.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">This “stay and play” mode of the autonomic nervous system is the
opposite of the “fight or flight” mode that the slightest hint of threat can
trigger. So especially when you are offering a novel interpretation of a
counselee’s behavior for consideration, or when you are exploring an
emotionally-charged past memory, you’ll want to do so in a <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>warm and relaxing
way</b></span>.</span></span></div>
<div class="ChapSubhead" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="ChapSubhead" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">SPIRIT</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">When working with non-religious counselees, or counselees who adhere to
the teaching of various world religions, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>human spirituality can be thought of
as the realm of values, meaning, and ultimate concern that promotes serenity
and truth</b></span>.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Adherents of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism,
Confucianism, the New Age movement, and agnosticism reveal significant differentiation
in their perception of spirituality. Nevertheless, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>a common theme often echoes
Christ’s teaching to love God with your whole being and love your neighbor as
yourself</b></span>. </span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Or, if the person doesn’t believe in a theistic conception of God,
surrendering to a Higher Power is valuable in order to find meaning beyond the
autonomous self. And if a Higher Power is excluded from religious belief, then there is
usually a quest for truth in terms of freedom from illusions and commitment to
social justice.</span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Whatever the spiritual orientation of the counselee, <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the pastoral
counselor can personally draw upon</b></span> <span style="color: #ffe599;"><b>the unique message of Christian faith and
doctrine that God is a loving Trinity</b></span>, providing a platform for therapeutic
helping that spiritually interfaces with Christ as mediator between God and
persons, the Holy Spirit as Advocate or “One called alongside to help,” and God
the Father Almighty, who together form the ontological foundation of human
nature and hold the key to its fulfillment. <b>For an in-depth exploration of this
theme, I refer you to:</b></span></span></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Trusting-Trinity-Compass-Psychotheology-Applied/dp/0557055792/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261293346&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i>Trusting in the
Trinity: </i></b></span></span></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Trusting-Trinity-Compass-Psychotheology-Applied/dp/0557055792/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261293346&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><i>Compass Psychotheology Applied</i></b></span></span></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfS1NCusXuvebEPgOYnHunEbB6xVdHi1EIRLWTKzXNPVxeajCOz3JGjE6-fhk5VWMNsyiqVBsQEK2Dy8KaRmJANg8ChZayhyphenhyphenpKs8AIYYgz-8o9hG5JaiqDBMWKBvAeTiGPpjyp263Z1QI/s1600/TRINITY-SILVER-TIFF-300x200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfS1NCusXuvebEPgOYnHunEbB6xVdHi1EIRLWTKzXNPVxeajCOz3JGjE6-fhk5VWMNsyiqVBsQEK2Dy8KaRmJANg8ChZayhyphenhyphenpKs8AIYYgz-8o9hG5JaiqDBMWKBvAeTiGPpjyp263Z1QI/s320/TRINITY-SILVER-TIFF-300x200.jpg" width="219" /></a></div>
<div class="COMPASSBOOKSTYLE" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
Dr. Dan Montgomeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06342834383298292338noreply@blogger.com0